


Blessing or a Curse?

by robron_til_the_end



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Follows Canon, M/M, soul mates
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-06
Updated: 2018-01-25
Packaged: 2018-12-24 18:21:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 27
Words: 35,403
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12018411
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/robron_til_the_end/pseuds/robron_til_the_end
Summary: The long threatened soulmates multi chapter AU fic.Robert doesn't believe in soul mates. Why would he? Ridiculous nonsense. Until he meets the scruffy mechanic, then he might be forced to change his mind.This will follow canon (to a point) right from the very beginning for robron.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is very much the set up chapter. Thanks to smittenwithsugden for talking things through and giving my ideas a second pair of eyes. Hope you enjoy!

Aaron woke up slowly, in his house, with his husband, feeling warm, happy and safe. God, that felt so good to even think, to think that after everything, all the complications that he could be happy and in love with Robert.

“You can’t fool me that you’re still asleep,” Robert said. Aaron smiled into the pillow, already lying on his front. “You feel good this morning.” It wasn’t a question, never had any need to be between the two of them, not after so long. They knew how each other felt.

“I’m happy,” Aaron said. Robert moved the bed sheets, his hand sliding down Aaron’s back until his fingertips reached the base of his spine, caressing his jet black mark with purpose. Aaron gasped, body writhing like a cat as he felt the inescapable wash of intense longing and love and lust and need rush over him. Some days this was far too intense for him to cope with, even now, and it had been years. Sometimes he needed his mind to be his own, or as his own as it ever got these days. But right now, relaxed and at ease with himself and Robert, he can revel in the intensity of their connection. To know just how much Robert feels for him.

“Enough,” Aaron breathed and Robert slid his hand further up to the centre of his back. Aaron didn’t know why Robert liked to do that, he never felt the need to lay claim to Robert like this. Maybe Robert was just more possessive than he was, who knew?

“You’re thinking,” Aaron said, able to sense that Robert wasn’t in the moment. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong,” Robert said, a slow smile on his face. “Just thinking about us. Back at the beginning.”

“You hated me,” Aaron said.

“I never hated you,” Robert said with a smile. “Couldn’t stay away from you, and that was well before I found out we were matched.”

“Yeah, then that sent you running for the hills,” Aaron said, remembering well.

“Because you were **_so_ ** enthusiastic,” Robert said sarcastically. Aaron grinned broadly. “It wasn’t you. I didn’t want to be matched with anyone. Thought the whole thing was some kind of… fantasy. Fairytale. A thing we tell ourselves to make us feel better about the mess we create of our lives.”

“Jeez, sound really positive.” Robert laughed, tucking his head against Aaron’s shoulder, kissing the skin there lightly. He tasted warm, sleepy and most importantly, his.

“Come on, had you ever met someone who’d been matched and made a success of it?”

“Sam,” Aaron said. “Him and his Alice. They were matched, they were soul mates. And they were happy. For a while, anyway.”

“God, that must have been agony for him when she died,” Robert said. Aaron nodded, both of them not meaning how sad it had been. When you were matched with someone, you could physically feel the others pain, and Alice had died of cancer. So it hadn’t been quick.

“I think Alice broke the connection a little before the end. She didn’t want Sam to feel it when she died.” Robert sighed. Their trip down memory lane wasn’t as uplifting as Robert had hoped.

“Sorry,” Aaron said. “Didn’t want to bring you down.”

“It’s all right,” Robert said. “We’re lucky, you know?”

“Maybe. Sometimes. Now get your arse up and make me breakfast.”

“Lazy git,” Robert said with amusement. He pushed Aaron into the mattress, kissing him leisurely before doing as he asked, wedding ring glinting in the early morning light, making Aaron’s heart sing.

Before Robert came back upstairs, he heard Liv moving, and he wondered how he could be this happy. How he and Robert had managed to salvage anything out of the complete mess of their individual lives to get here? But Aaron was very glad they had. He closed his eyes and could feel himself drifting back to sleep, sure that Robert would wake him with toast.

* * *

 

_**4 years before.** _

“Pint please,” Aaron said, propping up the bar. Chas smiled and did just that, adjusting her bracelet to hide the number marking her wrist. Aaron averted his eyes, it was just a habit ingrained in everyone. You didn’t look at someone else’s soul number, it was kind of like seeing someone naked. It was a very personal thing, and just wasn’t done.

“There you go love,” Chas said, handing it over.

“Cheers,” Aaron replied, taking a drink. He looked around the pub and could hear the louder than normal rabble, for a Wednesday afternoon anyway. “What’s going on over there?”

“New people up at Home Farm,” Chas said. “Including Robert Sugden.”

“Vic’s brother?”

“Mm, that's the one,” Chas said, voice full of distaste. “Still as arrogant as ever. And cocky now he’s marrying into money.” Aaron looked at the family in the corner, drinking an awful lot judging from the empties on the table. He got distracted by Adam turning up, and getting another round in. It had been some time away in France, and it was good to see his mate, finally.

* * *

Robert ran his thumb across Chrissie’s number, small and black across her right collarbone. She was already matched, paired off with her soul mate. 

“Jealous?” she asked with a smirk.

“No,” Robert said. “I don’t believe in soul mates.” Not any more. He used to, but no more. It hurt too much to be that naïve.

“It’s not all that great,” Chrissie said, grabbing his wrist. “I know you hear stuff, and they go on and on about it, but… I can barely feel it these days.”

“That’s because Rebecca’s abroad,” Robert said fairly. Distance effected this link… this mysterious connection that so very few people ever got to know. Robert had read an article in the paper the other day that 5% of people ever met their match. Which was news because that was a lot more than previously thought.

“I have a family match,” Chrissie said. “It’s not the same thing, everyone says it’s not the same thing.”

“No two pairs are the same,” Robert said honestly. No one could really agree how a soul match actually worked, because people experienced different things. “But it’s something,” he said. Chrissie frowned at him in question. “Forget it. I’m being… weird, just…” He kissed her and Chrissie smiled into it. “Ready to get wedding planning?” She smiled, a beautiful smile and Robert kissed her again.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for giving this AU a chance. I'm not going to repeat the whole of their affair (it would get boring, we know the story so well) just the relevant parts, so I hope it works. Enjoy!

What on earth was Ross thinking? Aaron walked into the barn, seeing a flash car that Ross Barton had certainly not acquired through legitimate means. “What the hell are you doing?” Aaron asked.

“Christmas comes early,” Ross said with a grin, rolling his sleeves up.

“Right, and no ones going to miss this?” Aaron asked in disbelief.

“I disabled the tracker,” Ross said, like Aaron was a complete idiot. 

“Tell me you didn’t steal this from the village.”

“I found the keys,” Ross said.

“Oh yeah, in whose pockets?” Neither of them spoke and that’s when Robert Sugden burst in. And Aaron’s life changed from that moment on.

* * *

That kiss. Aaron couldn’t stop thinking about it. Robert had called him to fix a car that was absolutely not broken down and he could feel the tension between them. He knew what Robert wanted, could feel it and it hadn’t taken much of a push for Robert to make that leap. And God, it felt good. To have someone kissing him like he was all he wanted. Robert was intense, immediate, delicious and Aaron hadn’t felt that wanted in ages. In fact, half of him was tempted to go out on the town, scratch that itch. It’s not like Robert would be back for more anyway. He was engaged, to a woman. One incredible, intense kiss on the roadside wasn’t going to change that.

* * *

Aaron went out and found a distraction. Didn’t take long for him to find someone in town who was more than up for a one night stand. It was a blissful beautiful release, allowing himself to get lost in someone else’s body. This guy, Will? His number was emblazoned across his shoulder blade, Aaron couldn’t help but notice. He didn’t touch, though. That was far too intimate for a quick screw.

* * *

Robert wrapped his hands around his to go coffee, trying to warm up. It really was bitterly cold in Yorkshire at the moment. Which meant he had a front row seat to seeing Aaron getting out of his taxi home and going to the pub. And the jealousy prickling up his spine felt deeply uncomfortable to him. Come on, this was one guy he’d kissed when he shouldn’t have, what the hell had he been thinking? He had absolutely no claim on Aaron at all. And yet, the thought of another man with his hands on Aaron felt so inherently wrong. The fact he had a fiancé at home felt almost immaterial. He had thought that kissing Aaron on the roadside, calling him there in the first place had just been a moment of madness. Something he could forget when he was being logical again, but... Now he knew it wasn’t. God help him, he wanted Aaron. Sod the consequences, because right now he didn’t care.

* * *

“I’m busy.” Aaron could feel Robert in the confined space of the garage, could almost taste the warmth of him. This was dangerous, he should leave. But he really didn’t want to, he wanted to stay right here, see what might happen. He couldn’t deny he was deeply curious, and God, he wanted Robert. Robert looked at him, and for a second he couldn’t breathe. And then Robert kissed him deeply, and Aaron forgot about logic, just knew he felt the desperate need for Robert’s beautiful lips on his. He tasted so good and Aaron pushed him towards the car, hands slipping under Robert’s jacket, feeling the contours of his body, muscled and Aaron had a flash of digging his teeth into Robert’s skin. Wondered if he'd be allowed to do it.

“No,” Aaron said, twisting away, suddenly feeling alarm. Robert’s hand had slid down his back, dangerously near his mark, and Robert nodded in understanding without more words having to be said. Robert pushed Aaron into the back seat of the car, and laid across him, kissing him deeply.

* * *

 

Aaron zipped his jeans up, head still ringing from the lust coursing through him. He had thought a one night thing with a stranger would take the edge off, the need. But having Robert on his knees, mouth around him… yeah, that kind of desire reached a whole different level. And Robert was good, he surely wasn’t the first man Robert had been with. He could tell, there was none of the shyness, none of the nervousness there. Robert had done this before, Aaron thought, watching as Robert covered up with his shirt. Aaron caught a flash of his number, but the light was too dark to really see the digits on his back. And he shouldn’t be looking anyway.

“I won’t tell Chrissie,” Aaron said. “If that’s what you’re worried about.” Robert hadn’t said a word since their clothes started being thrown back on.

“No?”

“No,” Aaron said. “Does she know about you?”

“No,” Robert said. “It stays that way, and this was… a one off. A lapse in judgement.” Aaron raised his eyebrows.

“Yeah, sure okay,” Aaron said. “See yourself out then, I’ve got to lock up.” Aaron watched as Robert walked away. He’d enjoyed that immensely, but he couldn’t shake the feeling that he’d most definitely been used. But he liked Robert, more than he probably should. He knew the man was taken, knew there was no chance of a happy ending, or even any kind of relationship that wasn’t based on complete lies. But he liked him, and it had been a while since he felt more than a base kind of lust for someone. It was only going to happen once, right?

* * *

It happened more than once. Aaron knew he was treading in dangerous waters, but he couldn’t help himself. He spoke to Chrissie, something about a car and Robert panicked. Robert thought he was trying to blackmail him, which wasn’t true. And Aaron had got offended, throwing Robert up against a wall which they both pretended didn’t turn them on.

But it was Robert’s quiet demand of “Upstairs. Now.” That really had Aaron unable to resist. Who could resist that level of want and need? A better man than Aaron, that was for sure.

They ended up in a mess of clothes and sprawled limbs, desperately searching for something in the other man. “How are we doing this?” Robert breathed for a second when his lips were free, kiss swollen and delicious. Aaron smirked and rolled over onto his front suggestively. He knew exactly what he wanted. Robert looked at Aaron’s bare spine and he froze, completely.

“Will you hurry up, I’m not going to be on my knees forever,” Aaron hissed at him. Robert couldn’t tear his eyes away from the number. 8236211329. He didn’t need to read it again, he knew it because his own body carried that number. That exact one. He couldn’t really believe it. He didn’t actually think soul mates existed, it was such a childish fantasy. And he’d found someone with his exact number on their body. And it was the mechanic he was screwing. How was that possible?

“Aaron…”

“What?!” Aaron snapped. “Come on, I’m horny here.”

“Your number,” Robert said, looking at him as Aaron gave up and turned to face him. “On your back.”

“Yeah?” Aaron asked blankly.

“It’s the same as mine,” Robert said.

“What?” Aaron spluttered. “Don’t be stupid, this is just sex right?”

“Aaron, it’s the same. I’ve read it so often on my own body, I know… I recognise the number.”

“Did you touch it?” Aaron asked, now grabbing a T shirt to cover up. Robert shook his head. “Good. Don’t. Now are we going to do this or what?”

“Aren’t we going to talk?” Robert asked, more shaken than he’d like to admit.

“We’re here for sex,” Aaron said, finding his jeans. The moment had well and truly gone now. “If you want to talk, find some other idiot.” In order to stop him, Robert turned around so Aaron could see the small of his own back. It did stop Aaron from moving, because he saw Robert had been telling the truth. Exactly the same. Even in the same place, that was so rare. The shock of it made Aaron completely still for a few seconds, just staring at it.

“I have to go,” Aaron said gruffly. “When I get back, you’re not here.” He left the pub and walked through the village, ignoring the bitter chill in the air and trying to calm down. Shit. He hadn’t been convinced soul mates even existed, and if they did he sure as hell wasn’t going to find one. Because he didn’t get that lucky, right? He was a mess, he didn’t get this kind of thing. His life was already complicated enough. And now that he had, Aaron had to admit that was something of a serious let down. Robert Sugden? Yep, there was no way that wasn’t disappointing. And he wasn’t going home until his heart rate had calmed down, and his almost lover was well out of there.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short one here, I'm struggling a bit personally at the moment, wondering when it'll ever get better. But hopefully short is better than nothing. Thanks for your encouragement so far!

When Aaron did return home, his bedroom was thankfully empty. Which gave him some time to think, or more accurately google. He didn’t know enough about this soul mate connection thing. Had never thought it would ever effect him, because meeting someone like that… it was rare to begin with. And Aaron was the kind of man who never really got lucky like that. Which meant Aaron had always kind of scoffed at it and not paid much attention to superstitious stuff like that, even when it came up on the news. Though maybe he should do. After a solid ten minutes looking things up, he didn’t know if having met his match was a good thing or a bad one. Everyone seemed to have a different opinion. Some stories made it sound like the best thing ever, while some made it seem like total hell on earth.

_Because your soul mate isn’t just the romantic ideal you hear about, they are so much more. Your mate is your complete match. They equal you in fire, intensity, the arguments can be legendary, the sex even more so. Most people who are lucky enough to meet their match have a quick intense fling, and that’s it. Because living with someone, loving someone whose temperament is the same as yours, who can read you so well, the body language, the depth of feeling that some people say you can physically feel pulling in your chest is so difficult. It rarely ends well._

Aaron threw his phone across the room when he read that, because this wasn’t helping him. One thing he did know is that until Robert touched his mark, they were just like any two other people. Nothing special linking them, nothing supernatural, nothing connecting them apart from lying to Chrissie and having amazing sex that a coincidence of a bloody ten digit number had stolen from him.

* * *

 

Robert walked up to Home Farm, rather than driving, needing the cool air to make him think. He never thought it would happen, that he’d meet someone with his own number emblazoned on them.

Whenever they met in public, Aaron could feel the tension. In fact, it amazed Aaron that everyone else couldn’t feel it, when they bumped into each other at the café, or the pub. How oblivious was everyone else? Robert clearly wanted more, and a few days later they arranged to meet in one of Moira’s barns, knowing that at this time of year they’d be empty, abandoned.

Aaron got there first, wondering what he was doing. Robert was taken, there could be no future, quirk of fate aside. But when Robert walked in, smirk on his face, Aaron could feel the crackle of tension in the air, the longing to feel Robert’s body against his own, the desire so strong he could taste it in the air. And Robert kissed him, and that was all it took for Aaron to stop thinking logically. This felt good, he felt wanted. That's all the mattered.

* * *

“You’ve covered it,” Robert whispered, trying to get his breath back. Yes, he had. He didn’t want to think about it, didn’t want to risk any accidents, so while he’d been googling it the other day, he’d ordered these patches to cover it. They were specially designed for it, and he just thought it was a good idea. Because he had known deep down he’d be seeing Robert again. Couldn’t not, because he wasn’t a good enough man to resist the chemistry and the temptation. And now they’d finally slept together, it was better than he’d expected. His body was still vibrating with it, and he didn’t want Robert to go back to his carefully orchestrated life. He wanted Robert to stay on the hay with him.

“Felt like the safest solution,” Aaron said.

“Aren’t you curious what it would be like?” Robert’s fingers dipped over the patch, kind of like a plaster and Aaron stiffened. It felt deeply uncomfortable for him, even with that barrier, and even after giving himself so intimately to Robert.

“I am,” Aaron said. “But not curious enough. I don’t want to be that… dependent, that reliable on someone. I’ve looked it up, it doesn’t have to mean anything.”

“Aaron, come on.”

“What, you going to leave your fiancé for this coincidence?” Aaron asked bluntly. “Thought not,” he said into Robert’s pause.

“I wasn’t bargaining on this,” Robert said, tapping that patch of covered skin before removing his hand, sensing Aaron's discomfort. “I don’t know how to deal with this, I don’t have… anything to compare it to.” Aaron could admit that was fair. He rolled on top of Robert. “I have to get back.”

“No, you don’t,” Aaron said surely. “Otherwise you wouldn’t still be here.” Robert smirked and Aaron’s heart dropped a notch or two as he kissed Robert again.

* * *

 

Robert drove back to Home Farm, body aching, mind racing. He’d been disappointed. He wanted to see Aaron’s number again, just to be totally convinced he wasn’t dreaming it. He knew he wasn’t, but just to see it… he didn’t know if he’d touch it, do anything to link them, but… but.

Robert had assumed that this soul mate thing was just a lot of nonsense, made to sound better than it was in reality. But he was curious and he liked to be in control of things, so he couldn’t help the itch in his fingers that wanted to touch Aaron’s number, see if anything magical or spectacular happened, though he personally doubted it. He wasn’t a child, those fairy tales belonged in bedtime stories. Not for the bit on the side he was screwing behind his wife to be’s back. He wouldn’t leave Chrissie for Aaron, not for anything. Aaron was just a bit of fun, a bit of stress relief. But he couldn’t help wondering if there was something more he was missing out on.


	4. Chapter 4

 

Robert volunteered to put money into Aaron and Adam’s business. Aaron wondered if that was the thing to link them together, form a friendship, or he would do if it wasn’t for the fantastic sex. Yeah, that definitely made it more likely to be an all encompassing romantic thing, rather than anything else.

Aaron’s heart soared with Robert suggested a night away. A hotel room just for the two of them. Aaron knew himself well, and he knew that he hated it every time when Robert went back to Chrissie. Every time their trysts couldn’t be as long as he wanted, every moment he wanted Robert to kiss him for just a little bit longer. He wanted more than Robert had to give. He was already falling for him, and it was too late to stop it. He hadn’t felt like this about anyone in a long time. Had he ever? Of course he had, that was stupid. Robert wasn’t special. Apart from their matching soul numbers, of course.

Their night in some random hotel was so precious. Aaron couldn’t get over how much he reveled in having Robert’s body all to himself for hours. Hours and _hours_ of naked skin before him. To taste, to touch, to bite. Aaron was the happiest he’d been in absolutely ages. He could forget Robert had a wife (as good as) waiting at home, oblivious and happy. He could forget that Robert wasn’t really his. Even when they were having sex, he could forget about their matching numbers.

Though in the cold light of the early morning, he did think about it. In the dawn, he could let his mind question the possibility of what if. He wanted to know what it would be like. That was the honest truth, he needed to know what this link felt like, if he had the chance. And Robert was the only one who could give him that chance. Aaron shifted in the bed, and reached behind himself, pulling at the patch that covered his number, bearing all under the cheap hotel sheets. He threw it to the floor before turning to Robert.

“You’re thinking loudly,” Robert said, eyes closed.

“Just…” _wishing it could always be like this_ , Aaron thought, but didn’t say. Robert was not his to keep. “Thinking about our marks.”

“Oh?”

“It’s so rare to meet your match, and I was wondering…”

“You want to touch them?” Robert asked quietly, in some surprise, though he was reading Aaron well.

Selfishly, Aaron wanted to have a part of Robert his wife didn’t, a part of him she could never have, simply down to fate. He felt possessive, and Aaron knew he shouldn't. “Don’t you ever think…?”

“Of course I do,” Robert said. “I didn’t, not for a long time, but after… well, you shocked me, seeing that number. And I do think about it. Sometimes.”

“I… want you to touch mine,” Aaron said, hating being vulnerable like this.

“Are you sure?”

“I’ve barely thought about anything else,” Aaron said. “Do you want that?”

“I… maybe,” Robert said. “You know me, I’ll try anything once,” he said with a smirk. Aaron rolled his eyes, good naturedly. “And trust me, you weren’t thinking about our numbers last night.”

Aaron grinned broadly. “Point taken.” He kissed Robert softly. “I was a bit distracted.”

“Job done then,” Robert said with a laugh. His hand slipped down Aaron’s spine “You want me to?”

“Only if you’ll return the favour,” Aaron said. “I just… want to do something that’s for me. Maybe it’s stupid, maybe it’s insane, but… yeah, I do want this.”

“Okay,” Robert said softly. “Only if you’re sure.” Just a hint of a question. Aaron nodded. If he thought about it he might change his mind, and he really didn’t want to. Robert lowered his hand, looking for any flicker in Aaron’s eyes that he might change his mind. But there wasn’t any. Robert pushed his fingertips lower, sensing when he hit the number, from the stiffness in Aaron’s chest, eyes wide, even though for Robert, it didn't feel any different to every other patch of skin.

He let out a moan, unlike anything Robert had ever heard from him, and his body started shaking, almost convulsing. “Hold me,” Aaron whispered. Robert did, wrapping his arms around Aaron, shushing him as he started whimpering. Aaron tucked his head into Robert’s neck as he calmed down, breathing coming back to normal. Robert knew Aaron well enough by now to know it wasn’t being put on, this was how he felt, whatever was going through him. And it terrified Robert. What emotion, what feeling could create this reaction in the grumpy sarcastic mechanic? Eventually, Aaron quietened, drew back and looked at Robert, his eyes gone soft. He kissed Robert gently.

“How do you feel?” Robert asked, looking at Aaron intently. Aaron searched for the words to describe it, though Robert thought he'd never looked so open.

* * *

 

Robert’s fingers pushed against the mark. Aaron grunted, because his skin started to feel like it was on fire, from the base of his back out. And then the aching heat changed to a warmth spreading outwards, like his psyche was searching for Robert. Every emotion he could possibly feel bubbled to the surface all at once, and he felt so vulnerable he needed to be held, he needed to feel like he hadn’t been completely abandoned. Robert’s arms around him helped to push that feeling away, to let the rush of love, hate, empathy, desire, everything rush over him in one huge melting pot. He couldn’t separate the different strands of emotions, he could only lay there and feel them running through his blood stream, all caused by Robert’s touch.

After a couple of minutes that felt like years longer, the feelings settled, slowly fading away. Aaron could feel a thread of consciousness that wasn’t his own. It felt odd to describe, but in his mind, there was almost a link he could feel that was connected to Robert. That was the only lasting feeling, once the rush had gone. That link to Robert’s mind, the link he’d read could only be broken with both of them agreeing to it. When Robert was holding him, he could sense him, almost pulling at the edges of his mind. It was indistinct, impossible to really put into words, but it was something in his thoughts that was most definitely not his own. Like a foreign language. Present, there, but he couldn’t understand it.

“How do you feel?” Robert asked quietly.

“Weird,” Aaron said. “I can almost feel you here.” He tapped his temple. “Like… almost, but not quite and… it feels strange.” Robert’s face filled with apprehension. “You’re scared.”

“What, can read my mind now can you?” Robert asked coldly.

“No, can read your face,” Aaron snapped. “You wanted to do this too.”

“I know,” Robert said. “I didn’t really think much would happen, I didn’t expect it to be this fucking revelation for you.” Robert was getting angry now, which in turn got Aaron’s back up.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Aaron said sarcastically. “Did I not react the way they all say I should?”

“I don’t know!” Robert snapped. “I know nothing about this. I don’t ask Chrissie about it, I never cared to know.”

“Why would you ask Chrissie?” Aaron asked, confused.

“She’s matched,” Robert said. “With her sister, has been since Rebecca was a child. She knows about this stuff, I have no clue. I’m just going from the online forums and they‘re…”

“A tangled mess,” Aaron said. “I know.”

“You’ve been looking?” Robert asked quietly.

“Yeah,” Aaron said. “I don’t know any more about this than you do.” Aaron kissed him, and it was one of the most surreal experiences. Aaron could feel the want from Robert, as well as his own desire. It felt almost twice as potent, and even from one kiss, it was addictive. Aaron wanted more, so much more.

“Right, where were we?” Aaron asked, his hand travelling down Robert’s spine.

“No,” Robert said suddenly.

“What?”

“No, I don’t… I don’t want to have that kind of… reaction.”

“You’re kidding,” Aaron said after a beat of silence. "You are kidding me," he repeated.

“I… didn’t really think this all the way through,” Robert said. “I didn’t mean to back out, I just… I don’t like being out of control.”

Aaron felt livid. “You let me match myself to you, and you’ve got no intention of following through on your half of the deal?” Aaron said, voice low and menacing. “You’re not even considering it are you?”

“Well…”

“You bastard,” Aaron said with heat, getting out of bed and throwing his clothes back on. Robert saw the black mark on Aaron’s back and felt a wave of guilt and regret. Aaron looked at him sharply, having felt that.

“You… can feel that?”

“I can feel something,” Aaron said. “And I hate you for doing this to me, leaving me stuck. You think you’re so special I’d want to be stuck with you for the rest of my life?! How dare you back out?!”

“I didn’t plan it, Aaron!” Robert snapped, getting out of bed too. Aaron did his level best not to be distracted by his nakedness, the good thing was he was angry enough that it worked. “I didn’t think it would do much, I didn’t think you’d react like this!”

“Great,” Aaron said, throwing his hoodie on. “You really are the most selfish bastard I’ve ever met. Don’t talk to me again.” Aaron made sure he had his wallet and left the hotel room, slamming the door as loud as he could, a prickle of unease up his spine.

Robert started swearing under his breath, running his hand through his hair in pure frustration and despair. God, that couldn’t have gone worse.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am trying one last time to get this chapter up (AO3 is not cooperating today). If it doesn't work, I'll just give up and try later in the week, because I'm getting really frustrated right now.

Aaron got in his car and drove, without thinking. Once the anger had calmed down a little, he realised that he felt exactly as he did this time yesterday. He couldn’t sense Robert at all, his mind was one hundred percent his own and private and his. So, distance mattered in this twisted game of fate did it? Aaron couldn’t place when it had happened, in the car park? Driving away? He’d been too angry, his pulse throbbing in his temple so he couldn’t remember.

He parked outside the pub and leant his head against the steering wheel, thinking through things. That had felt nothing like what Aaron had expected. And now, thinking everything over, he was getting a good old fashioned non supernatural headache, and it was barely eight in the morning. Aaron grabbed his keys and went into the pub, finding some paracetamol and swallowing them down. It took the edge off as Aaron made himself a coffee.

“Didn’t hear you come in last night love,” Chas said as she came into the back room, already dressed.

“That’s because I didn’t,” Aaron said gruffly. “Only been here ten minutes.” Aaron added sugar to his coffee for good measure before sitting down.

“Good night?” Chas asked tentatively. Probably because it was obvious what kind of mood he was in right now.

“It was fine,” Aaron said.

“Anyone I know?”

“No.”

“Aaron…”

“Look, last night was fine, it was good. Had an argument this morning, now can we leave it at that?”

“Okay,” Chas said. But she was giving up way too easily. Which meant Aaron anticipated a Paddy conversation at some point in the near future.

* * *

 That afternoon, Robert came into the pub. Aaron could feel the close proximity to him, even though he was in the back room and he couldn’t physically see him, he could feel the warm sense of knowledge fill him.

Aaron sent Robert a text, simply saying  _“go away.”_

Robert took the pint Chas gave him and sat down in a booth in the back, trying to be subtle about looking for Aaron. He wasn’t up at the yard, the new portacabin that had only just been set up. Because that had been Robert’s first attempt to find him. And he wasn’t in the bar either, which meant he was either out, or in the back room. A text came through that kind of gave him his answer. “ _go away.”_  So he was close, though the fact that Aaron knew where he was made Robert feel very much on the back foot. Robert looked at the bar, seeing Chas occupied with the crowd from the factory coming in for an order. So Robert took a chance, took a gulp of his pint and left through the front door, going around the back and sneaking in.

“You just can’t take the hint,” Aaron said gruffly as Robert closed the door, making sure they were alone.

“I’m sorry abut this morning,” Robert said. “I am honestly sorry. I didn’t expect that, and I didn’t expect it to effect you so much.”

“Why did you even do it?” Aaron asked. “You knew you couldn’t follow through, why did you let me?”

“Because I got swept up in the moment,” Robert said. “I let myself believe for a few minutes. I am sorry.” Aaron could feel that he meant it, but that didn’t get him out of this situation, did it?

“You’re not going to let me, are you?” Aaron said, eyes drifting down Robert's body.

“No,” Robert said. “I can’t. I have to get married, I have to go through with that. It can’t change just because…”

“Because you let me match myself to you,” Aaron finished. “That’s not fair.”

“No,” Robert agreed. “I know, but…” Robert kissed him and Aaron let him, sinking into it. He couldn’t fight it, didn’t want to. It felt so unbelievably right and he could feel that Robert wanted him.

“Go upstairs,” Aaron breathed. Robert grinned, doing as he asked, wanting nothing more.

* * *

Aaron slipped into sleep very quickly afterwards. He seemed exhausted and Robert couldn’t begrudge him his rest. Aaron lay on his front, and after a moment, Robert pushed the bed sheets down, gathering around his hips, allowing him to look at his number. He didn’t touch, he shouldn’t have touched it just that morning in the first place. It was selfish and thoughtless. He had been caught up in the moment, allowing him to forget that Chrissie was at home, forget everything in his life. Because for a moment it had just been him and Aaron and the rest of the world could go to hell.

But the sex was different than it had been just yesterday. It had always been pretty fantastic with Aaron, that wasn’t a question. But this time, it was like Aaron was giving Robert every part of himself. Holding nothing back. In fact Robert had been grateful for the hubbub from downstairs because it meant that (hopefully) they hadn’t heard Aaron’s moaning. Robert had shushed him as best he could, but he’d had other things on his mind at the time. He wanted to kiss Aaron’s mark, wanted to feel it under his lips, wanted to know everything about this man.

Because Aaron had lost himself so thoroughly in sex, Robert wondered if that was what he was missing. Would it make it more intense if he allowed Aaron to touch his own soul mark? He couldn’t risk it though. He had thought at the time he could, had thought that it wouldn’t make his feelings for Aaron any more concrete, because (deep in his own heart he could admit this, only to himself) he was falling for Aaron. In the kind of way that meant he didn’t have it in him to stop this affair. He shouldn’t have started it, that was all down to him. Sure, Aaron was willing, more than willing, but Robert wasn’t a fool. He had done all the chasing, and Aaron would have nothing to lose if this came out. Robert did. And seeing Aaron’s reaction, he’d got a shock. As in…  _what the hell am I doing? I match myself to him and I could lose everything._

Robert knew he was in too deep, and he couldn’t stop this, not now. And getting Aaron’s feelings, that link into his mind would be just another layer he couldn’t break when the time came that he’d had to. None of that logic changed the fact that he was so very tempted. To feel everything with Aaron, it was only his fear that was stopping him. Because how could he marry Chrissie if his soul match was just down the road?

Robert got out of bed and started to dress. He should have a shower, but he couldn’t risk Diane or Chas finding him there. So he’d have to risk sneaking back into Home Farm before any of the White’s saw him. He’d manage that, he was good at sneaking in. Once he slipped his jacket on, he leaned over the bed and kissed Aaron goodbye, waking him. He couldn’t leave without a goodbye. Aaron’s eyes popped open, soft and loving and Robert’s heart sunk.

“Your head’s a mess,” Aaron said, making Robert feel vulnerable again. He didn’t like that Aaron could read him like this.

“You know that?”

“I can almost feel it,” Aaron said. “It’s not mind reading, it’s… your mood. When I concentrate. And I can’t place what you are feeling right now, there’s too much and…” Robert knew what he was going to say.  _And the match is too new_. Aaron hadn’t yet got used to being able to have a link to Robert’s consciousness. So he was difficult to read.

“Yeah,” Robert said, answering the question. “My head is a mess.”

“I’m not helping you am I?”

“It’s not your fault,” Robert said. “It’s mine. I’m going, I didn’t want you to wake up alone and not know where I was.” Robert didn’t examine the fact that that kind of thinking meant he was feeling much more for Aaron than sex.

“I’ve made things a lot more complicated for you, haven’t I?” Aaron said.

“Yeah,” Robert said. “My fault though.” He was at the bedroom door before Aaron spoke again.

“It’s not er…” Aaron swallowed. “I’m only been able to read your moods when we’re in the same building. So if you don’t want me in your head, just get in your car and drive away from here. If you want the privacy.”

Robert paused and nodded, grateful for the tip. “Thank you.” Aaron closed his eyes as Robert left the pub, feeling Robert’s confusion until he heard the very distant sound of a car engine starting up. Then Aaron closed his eyes and drifted into a doze, for the moment, happy.


	6. Chapter 6

The days turned into weeks slowly, the date of Robert’s wedding approaching like a black mark Aaron couldn’t escape. He kept seeing Robert. Neither of them mentioned the soul marks again. They barely had the time to, they were reduced to snatched conversations, and half an hour here or there for sex. And it was starting to drag Aaron down. He knew he should let Robert go, but it had gone way too far for that. He was in love with him, he’d been matched with him, it was almost like it was out of his control. 

And an annoying side effect was that the connection was stretching. Like he’d become used to it, or he was tuning in, like an aerial or something. Very slowly, he realised he could sense Robert in the village, not just when they were in the same building. Aaron dreaded the moment he’d be able to feel Robert when he was up at Home Farm. He really didn’t want to think about what Robert got up to up there. Or anything at all that involved Chrissie. He couldn’t read Robert’s mind, that was completely impossible, he could more sense his mood, his emotions. He knew that when they were together, Robert felt something for him. It wasn’t just the thrill, the satisfaction of sex, but Robert wouldn’t give him anything more.

Aaron’s quiet mood lasted, which led to a conversation with Paddy one afternoon. Aaron knew his mum was worried, but he couldn’t say anything to stop her from worrying.

“Your mum wants me to have a word with you,” Paddy said. “She’s worried. I’m worried too.”

“I’m fine,” Aaron said.

“You’ve said that so often no one believes it,” Paddy said. “Come on, talk to me.” Silence. “Are you in trouble?”

“You can’t tell anyone,” Aaron said, looking directly at Paddy. “I mean it.”

“Okay,” Paddy said.

“Not even my mum,” Aaron said. “I don’t want her worrying more than normal.”

“I won’t tell her, as long as it’s nothing illegal,” Paddy said. “I could help you.”

“No,” Aaron said surely.

“Fine, but I can listen,” Paddy said. “Are you in trouble with the police?”

“No, it’s nothing criminal,” Aaron said. “Not that I blame you for thinking that,” he said with half a smile. “I er… I’ve met my match,” Aaron said lowly.

“Oh!” Paddy said in surprise. Of course he was surprised, most people didn’t. And it was clear he was relieved it wasn’t anything more nefarious “Well… that’s good, right?”

“He’s married.”

“Okay,” Paddy said after a moments pause. “Well, that might not mean anything. It could be a platonic thing, plenty of best friends are matched. I mean, not that everyone is at all, but…”

“It’s not platonic,” Aaron said, cutting across Paddy’s rambling. “It’s… just not. I’ve slept with him.”

“You’ve slept with a married man?” Paddy asked.

“Yeah,” Aaron said briefly.

“What the hell were you thinking?!”

“It gets worse,” Aaron said. “He er… touched my number. He matched me with him.”

“That’s assault!” Paddy said indignantly.

“Yeah, well not when I asked him to do it,” Aaron said fairly. “I wanted it, I wanted to know what it might be like. Then he chickened out and didn’t let me do the same. Which means I’m stuck in his head.”

“Why did you ask?” Paddy said. Aaron swallowed uncomfortably, not really wanting to answer. He knew exactly why. “Are you in love with him?”

Aaron took a shuddering breath. Then nodded. “Yeah. I think I am.”

“Well, that’s just the match between you two and…” Paddy said dismissively.

“It’s not that,” Aaron said surely. “I know that isn’t helping, but it’s not that. I er… If I hadn’t felt this way, I’d never have let him connect me to him in the first place.“

“What are you playing at?” 

“I can’t stop,” Aaron said. “It was meant to be a bit of fun, it was never meant to become this intense, this… I don’t know. It is such a mess right now.”

“What are you going to do?” Paddy asked.

“I don’t know,” Aaron said. “Which is why you can’t help.”

“You could leave him,” Paddy suggested.

“You’re not listening, I can’t,” Aaron said.

“You could blow the affair to his… husband.” Just the barest hesitation but Aaron refused to pick up on it, either to correct him or not. He did get his phone out of his pocket though, feeling it buzz with a text. 

_“Hotel booked. Can’t wait.”_

“Is that him?” Paddy asked.

“Yeah,” Aaron said, typing a quick reply. Robert had floated the idea of another night away, because the snatched time was getting to them both.

“You don’t have to go.”

“I can’t not,” Aaron said. “Look, Paddy, I said you couldn’t help and you can’t. So just leave it. Tell mum I’m fine. Or don’t tell her anything at all, I have to go.”

Paddy let it drop.

* * *

 

Aaron knew Robert was in the hotel before he saw him. It took about five minutes before Robert opened the door, that grin on his face. That perfect smarmy grin that shouldn’t do things to Aaron. Roberts fingers pushed underneath the collar of his shirt and Aaron felt so effected by such a simple touch. And Robert stripped his tie off of him and Aaron was lost, pulling Robert down onto the bed.

* * *

“Waste of a good suit, that,” Aaron said.

“I don’t call that a waste,” Robert said, voice languid, slurring slightly and Aaron smiled.

“Is this ending?” Aaron asked. “Us. This?”

“I don’t want it to.”

“You’re getting married,” Aaron said, feeling the disappointment roll off Robert at the mention of it. “I don’t expect you to leave her, so… we’re running out of time.”

“I don’t want this to end,” Robert said. He was sincere, Aaron could tell and not just from his eyes. He pulled Aaron into his arms and Aaron’s fingers rested on his back, the indents of his spine. Aaron looked directly into Robert’s eyes as his hands went southwards, descending near his mark, stopping maybe three inches above the number. Without looking, his focus on Robert’s face, it was hard to tell.

“Go on,” Robert said, the implication heavy in the air.

“I won’t,” Aaron said. “Because you don’t want me to. Not really.”

“I’m saying I do.”

“I’m feeling you don’t,” Aaron said.

“I do,” Robert insisted. “I’m just… afraid. But I need to know this was real. That this matters. Before…”

“I know before,” Aaron said. “I don’t want you to regret it afterwards. The way I did.”

“Do you still?”

“Honestly?” Aaron asked. “Sometimes. Whenever you go home to her. But I’m not sure if that’s our match, or if that’s just how I feel.”

“I’m marrying her,” Robert said.

“But you want this?”

“I want to know. For sure, I just…” He stopped talking as Aaron’s right hand moved an inch lower.

“Last chance.”

“Do it.”

Aaron nodded once, hand slipping southwards, palm covering his number, feeling the spark of heat between their skin. Robert closed his eyes, a low moan leaving his mouth and Aaron let go, cupping a hand around his arse just to keep him close, holding his body. It didn’t take Robert in shaking, the way it had Aaron. Robert panted and cried out through it, breathing in short sharp gasps.

“Sh, I’ve got you,” Aaron said, sliding a hand up to Roberts hair. He could feel an echo of it, the almost but not quite familiar rush of emotions spilling over. But it was just an echo, nothing like how it had felt for Aaron a few weeks ago. His eyes were blown, and Aaron held him, surprised when he started grinding on his thigh, already hard. It had definitely taken him differently than Aaron had experienced it.

“Rob?”

“I want you,” Robert whispered. “Please.”

“Okay,” Aaron whispered. He couldn’t deny he was deeply curious, how it would feel to sleep with someone and have that connection. Aaron wasn’t a good enough man to turn him down.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I doubt I'll get another chapter of this done until Friday. (And this is a bit on the short side) Got a few busy work days coming up. That said, I hope you enjoy and this continues to make sense!

Robert awoke in the early hours of the morning, body sore and sated, mind searching for the link to Aaron. He couldn’t find it specifically, even lying next to him, but that was probably because he was asleep. No mood to read, no feelings to share when Aaron was asleep. It wasn’t as if Aaron had taken over a part of his mind, it was almost like his mind had expanded and he had a connection to Aaron in a previously silent part of his brain. It was very hard to describe, but the sex last night had been fantastic. It had been so weird, to be able to get a sense of how Aaron felt while chasing his own lust at the same time.

Aaron looked so beautiful, relaxed in sleep. Which felt hollow when Robert’s phone buzzed with an alarm. He had to get home to Chrissie, he knew that. He sighed and went in the shower, trying to wake himself up properly, get into the mindset to return to his life. Because these precious few hours had been so special and now he’d have to go back. He had to, Robert knew that. He had no choice. Chrissie was who he’d planned his perfectly crafted life with. This was just a distraction, a last hurrah before he got married. He held onto that as he showered.

He was rinsing the shampoo out of his hair when he felt Aaron wake. A jolt somewhere in his chest letting him know Aaron had returned to consciousness. Robert also felt worry, turning into relief when Aaron realised Robert hadn’t left. Whether that was from their match, or from Aaron hearing the shower going, God knows. Robert didn't care to find out.

When he came back into the bedroom, towel wrapped around his waist, Aaron had a soft smile on his face, wrapped up in the tangled sheets as Robert kissed him gently. “I hate to ruin the bubble, but…”

“You have to go,” Aaron said. “I know.”

“You…”

“Well, I don’t like it,” Aaron said. “But I knew what I was getting into.”

“Aaron…”

“Just go,” Aaron said, not with much anger, just disappointment. “I know the reality, go.”

“I don’t want to.”

“Then leave her.”

“I can’t,” Robert said.

“Then I know my answer. Go.” Robert leaned over him and kissed him again, before getting dressed, aware that Aaron was watching him, both because he could feel Aaron’s gaze, and because he could feel it on the prickling against the back of his neck. An extra sense of awareness he certainly didn’t have with Chrissie.

“I’ll cover the bill, you relax and have a lay in,” Robert said.

“Sure,” Aaron said quietly, closing his eyes as Robert left. Robert focused on the almost sensation of Aaron, but he lost him when he’d gone down two flights of stairs. Couldn’t feel him at all. He checked out, and by the time he’d driven home, he could almost pretend Aaron touching his number had been a happy dream. Almost.

* * *

Time slipped by, Aaron feeling worse by the day as Robert’s wedding crept up on them. The day before, Aaron was fighting off slipping into a full scale panic. So much so that Robert found him in the back room of the pub.

“Do you mind calming down a bit?” Robert asked. “You’re kind of ruining my buzz.”

“I’m so sorry I’m _inconveniencing_ you,” Aaron said sarcastically.

“Your… negativity is getting in the way!” Robert hissed. Aaron slammed the door shut, then got way too close to Robert, almost like he wanted to push him up against a wall as he’d done before.

“My soul match is marrying someone else tomorrow,” Aaron said lowly. “Yeah, I’m in a bad mood. And if that screws with your plans, that’s too bad.”

“Aaron, don’t make this harder,” Robert said. “Please, this is… hard for me too.”

“Oh, don’t give me that crap,” Aaron said. “You’re the one making the wrong choice, you’re the one who could stop it. I get absolutely no say in any of this.”

“Aaron, I didn’t want…” Robert took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. “This is the way it is. What if I’d met you a week after marrying her? Soul mates do, you know. We’d still be here, stuck in this position anyway.”

“Yeah,” Aaron said. “But we didn’t. The difference is that right here, right now, you have a choice. And you’re picking wrong.”

“According to you.”

“You’ve got no cover any more,” Aaron said. “I know how you feel about me. I’m not guessing, I’m not reading too much into things, I know. Because I feel it here.” Aaron tapped his head.

“It was a mistake,” Robert said dismissively. “Look… if you can accept what we are then we can carry on after… tomorrow. If not, then… that’s fine. But we’ll end it. We’ll break our connection.”

“No,” Aaron said firmly, feeling irrationally possessive of his insight into Robert’s psyche. They could technically break their connection, but it took both of them to agree. And once it was severed, it would never be got back, not ever. In most documented cases, the absence of feeling where they once could feel everything meant it felt too painful to even be in the same room as each other. It was a firm, permanent, desperate choice, one that Aaron was not nearly ready to make. He’d had this link for a few short weeks that wasn’t long enough. Aaron could be possessive and he was jealous as hell, and he did get a small thrill out of knowing Robert would marry someone who wasn’t him, wasn’t his match. Stupid reckless idiot.

“We can keep going,” Aaron said. “But one day you’re going to realise that your perfect trophy wife isn’t what you need.”

“We’ll see,” Robert said at the door.

“Yeah, we will.” Aaron pinched his nose hard as Robert left him alone, still feeling Robert’s anger, insecurity and conviction that he had no other choice. Aaron kept focusing on him until Robert thought he was out of range. Because Robert had matched himself a few weeks after Aaron, Aaron could sense Robert at a much greater distance than Robert could. Aaron had had the time to work up to it. Once Robert stopped being careful over his emotions, thinking Aaron couldn’t sense him, Aaron could feel lust and want and confusion. And it was that more than anything else that made Aaron feel so sorry for him. Marrying Chrissie was the wrong choice, and Robert knew that if he could be honest with himself. Aaron just hoped it wouldn’t be too late.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Robert and Chrissie's wedding coming up! Which means all sorts of canon related warnings for the next part.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to stop promising when I can get chapters up, as this one has taken sooo long to write! Thank you so much for being patient, and I'll get more done when I can.

Aaron had done some long and hard thinking. He needed to blow the affair, that’s what he kept coming back to, he needed it out in the open, because then Robert would have nothing to hide behind. He’d have to make a choice, and he might be a closeted bisexual, but he was still Aaron’s match, and that was a powerful incentive. Or at least he hoped it was. Aaron also knew Katie was sniffing around, hoping to pin something on Robert. Aaron knew it was wrong, but he felt like something had to give, and it wasn’t going to be their connection, and it wasn’t going to be Robert’s wedding either. Robert had made that perfectly clear. And something had to go, so he did something he shouldn't, telling Katie she was right. 

Aaron messaged Robert, asking to meet that morning, testing Robert’s resolve on the morning of his wedding. He agreed to meet, the reply coming through very quickly, which to Aaron spoke volumes. He tried to stamp down his trepidation, knowing Robert would sense it and he made his way to Wiley’s. Instead he focused on how he felt, that Robert was marrying someone else today. It wasn’t that hard to do, because he still couldn’t believe it.

Walking inside, he knew Robert was already there, though that still didn’t prepare him from seeing Robert dressed up in his wedding suit. He looked gorgeous, and at the same time the sight of him made Aaron feel sick. He was actually going to go through with it, then.

“Don’t guilt trip me,” Robert said, feeling it radiating off Aaron in waves. “That’s not why either of us are here.”

“No,” Aaron said. “I can’t believe you’re going to do it.”

“Do what?”

“Marry her!”

“Aaron, don’t,” Robert said. “You can’t do this, not today.”

“Well, it’s a hell of a lot better than tomorrow,” Aaron said. Robert sighed, bracing himself.

“Go on, say what you want to say, then let me get back. I’ve got a busy day,” Robert said dismissively.

“She’s never going to make you happy.”

“She did before you came along,” Robert said darkly.

“You didn’t keep seeing me because we’re matched,” Aaron said. “You know that.”

“Yeah, but… this is happening and either you can deal with it or you can’t. Today… I am marrying her.”

“Don’t,” Aaron said. Apparently he wasn’t above begging. 

“Why?”

“Because I’m in love with you,” Aaron said. “And I think you feel it too.” He hadn’t planned the words before hand, they had just come out, and he could feel, almost taste the fear in the room. From both of them, because Aaron had never said that, and Robert had never heard it. They weren’t supposed to feel this way, neither of them. But it was too late. The words were out there, doing untold damage.

* * *

“Because I’m in love with you. I think you feel it too.” Robert froze. Aaron shouldn’t be saying that, it was insane.

“You’re… overly emotional,” Robert said. “It’s our numbers, it’s making you say things you shouldn’t.”

“It’s not our numbers, Robert,” Aaron said. “And you know it.”

“Look, I’m sorry you think that this is deeper than sex, but it isn’t,” Robert said. He was well aware he was lying to himself. Apparently Aaron could feel that too, because he had a little “I know you better than that” smile on his face.

“That might have worked before,” Aaron said. “But not now. This match, this link between us is getting stronger, even you must have noticed by now.” Robert had noticed, but he was choosing to ignore the fact that he could always pretty much locate where Aaron was when he was in the village. Just from his mood, which was usually black these days.

“Okay, if it means that much to you, we’ll break the link,” Robert suggested. He was desperate and he couldn’t leave Chrissie waiting much longer. He didn’t want to break this. It could be intrusive and irritating at times, but he did value the insight into Aaron’s mind. Aaron was sometimes hard to read, and he liked this extra view into his head space. Even if Robert could barely admit it to himself.

“No!” Aaron snapped, much to Robert‘s private relief.. “Don’t you dare suggest that!”

“Well, if this thing between us… if you think it’s more than what it is…” Robert was clutching at straws.

“Fine,” Aaron snapped. “If this really doesn’t mean anything more to you, what are we doing here?” Aaron came up close and kissed him. Robert should push him off, but the lust was too much and he didn’t have infinite powers of resistance. Or any resistance when it came to Aaron, seemingly.

Robert impatiently lifted the hem of Aaron’s T shirt. “What…?” Aaron started.

“I want to touch you,” Robert said, filled with possessiveness. Aaron nodded and turned around, letting Robert kiss into his neck while his fingertips found the mark. Occasionally during sex they touched this little patch of skin, brushed against it, but nothing like this. Nothing this intense since the moment they’d been linked.

Robert felt the wave of want and affection as it surged through Aaron, Aaron moaning with it. Robert held him, letting his lips press into Aaron as he felt the emotions second hand. Robert couldn’t think the word love, he couldn’t even contemplate that’s what Aaron was going through, and then they both heard the clicking of a camera phone. They split apart to see Katie’s smug face.

Robert suddenly became aware, through the fear of being caught, that Aaron wasn’t surprised.

“You set me up?” Robert said quietly. Aaron at least felt guilty, but that confirmation... it was poisonous. “You set me up!!” he repeated.

“Marrying her is wrong,” Aaron said quietly. “You know that.”

“So you arrange to catch us out in…” Robert couldn’t even continue. “Aaron, how could you?!”

“How could you!” Aaron retaliated. “I’m going to go.”

“Aaron!”

“I’m clearly interrupting,” Katie said, looking way too pleased with herself. “And I have a bride I need to talk to.”

“Do what you want, I’m done,” Aaron said, walking away, leaving Robert totally spiraling out of control.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not going to repeat a lot of the Katie scenes, as I'm not actually altering them, I'm just including the bits I need to here. I hope it still makes sense. Enjoy.

“No, no, it’s not like that,” Robert was saying, trying to talk Katie down. He might as well be talking to a brick wall, he knew she wouldn’t relent.

“You were touching his number. It’s a hell of a lot more than just sex, Robert.”

“It means nothing,” Robert said.

“Even if I believed that, I’ve slept with you Rob,” Katie said, the implication clear as her eyes hovered on his body.

“You don’t remember my number from a teenage fling ten years ago,” Robert said.

“You’re right. I don’t. But your reaction is telling me I’m right. How would Chrissie feel? Marrying someone who’s matched with someone else. Let alone the fact you’re gay.”

“I’m not gay!” Robert snapped. “You know I’m not, I seem to remember that perfectly clearly.”

“Didn’t look like that to me,” Katie said. “Maybe I should ask Chrissie, I’m sure her opinion means more than mine.” She turned to leave and Robert couldn’t let her.

“No, you can’t!” He shoved her. That was all it was. He shoved her probably harder than he meant to and she went crashing to the floor. Then through it. Robert couldn’t tear his eyes away from the gap in the building, Katie lying at the bottom of it. He went down the stairs and checked, but he didn’t need to. Her neck was at an odd angle, and even through the fear pulsing through him, he knew she wasn’t here any more. What the hell did he do now? Call an ambulance, when it wouldn’t do anyone any good and would wreck his plans? His perfectly crafted plans to marry Chrissie that the world seemed determined to pull down on his head.

He was shaking. He barely even noticed that, but he was trying to call Aaron and his hands wouldn’t unlock the phone. He couldn’t dial the numbers. And then Diane was ringing, probably wondering where he was, as he certainly wasn’t at the church. God, he was late. So late, and Katie was lying on the floor. Dead. Panic. Oh God…

* * *

Aaron walked away from the farm, needing some air to clear his head. He could feel the panic coming off of Robert and he tried his hardest to ignore it. Robert had created this situation himself, match or no match. They'd have slept together either way. And yes, it might have been really sneaky, but he never pretended he was moral. He had an affair with someone who was taken, morals didn’t really enter into it did they?

Then he felt the panic, the fear, the terror almost screaming at him through their link. It was the loudest he’d ever heard Robert, and this wasn’t put on. This was a sign that something absolutely disastrous had happened, and Aaron turned back towards the farm, because it was his instinct. He could no more leave Robert in that kind of pain than he could tear his own arm off. He had to see what the problem was.

* * *

“Robert what is going on?!” Aaron said exasperated as he came into the building.

“Katie. She…”

“What, ruined your perfect life?” Aaron quipped.

“Er… something like that.” Robert moved aside and Aaron saw. **_He saw_**. And the rest of the day unravelled from there.

* * *

Robert could feel Aaron getting steadily drunk throughout the reception. The fug from the whisky was almost seeping into Robert, though he hadn’t touched a drop. Aaron was drinking enough for the both of them. He was also being less guarded with his feelings than usual, and his head was all over the place. Robert would suggest going home if it wasn't that it looked suspicious. So he watched as Aaron downed the whisky.

* * *

Aaron didn’t sleep that night, not really. He alternatively passed out from the amount of alcohol he’d drunk but didn’t really consider that sleeping. Every time he closed his eyes he could see Andy’s face. Hear Andy’s cries over his dead wife. It was an accident. That’s what Robert had said. It’s just… Aaron couldn’t drown out the niggling little voice in the back of his head that said it was a pretty convenient accident. For Robert anyway. No one knew about the affair or their match, Robert had got married, and Aaron had cleaned up Robert’s mess. And now Aaron literally couldn't blow the affair, because he'd be implicated in her death. It was both of their mess, really. But it was only twenty four hours later and it was haunting him already. Being in that building, trying to erase any evidence that they were ever there, all the while Katie’s lifeless eyes stared at him. It would haunt him forever.

* * *

He overheard a conversation between his mum and Paddy, in the bar. They were talking about the fact that Robert had something to do with Katie’s death and Aaron felt the fear. No, they couldn’t. If they reported it… he cleared up after Robert, he made it look like… but it was an accident, right? Chas couldn’t take it to the police, she couldn’t. The lies would all come spilling out.

“No, you can’t,” Aaron said, interrupting their whispered conversation.

“Aaron…” Paddy started.

“Robert had nothing to do with it, it was an accident,” Aaron said.

“Which will be what the police say,” Chas said. “If it’s true. But Robert was late to his own wedding, no one had seen Katie all day, she was convinced he was having an affair and it all looks just a bit dodgy!”

“Do you not think Robert was a little busy yesterday?!” Aaron said.

“We’ll see.”

“You can’t,” Aaron said. “He wasn’t anywhere near Katie. He… was with me.” Both of them looked at him, Paddy with dawning horror, Chas with confusion.

“What?” Chas said. “Why would he be with you?” Aaron winced and looked at the floor.

“He’s the guy,” Paddy said, making Chas look at him in surprise. “He’s the man you’ve been with all these weeks.”

“Yes,” Aaron said.

“Robert Sugden?!” Chas shouted. Aaron privately thanked God the pub was closed. “How, why… that makes absolutely no sense!”

“Look, just… you can’t tell anyone,” Aaron said. “I mean it, you can’t.”

“He’s married Chrissie!” Chas snapped.

“I know,” Aaron said, hating himself for his voice wobbling. "It was never meant to get like this."

“Leave it, Chas,” Paddy said.

“I should tell his wife,” Chas said.

“You do that, and I’m moving out,” Aaron said. “I will never speak to you again.”

“Aaron!” Chas said. “You should stop it, what’re you doing?!”

“I can’t stop it,” Aaron said. “No one knows, so leave it. It’s fine, I know what I’m doing, just stay out of it. You can’t tell anyone, mum.” Chas looked between Aaron and Paddy, neither of whom were speaking.

“You talk some sense into him,” Chas said with exasperation, going through to the back room.

“He’s your match?” Paddy asked when they were alone.

“Yeah,” Aaron said dully.

“Aaron, what are you doing?!”

“I didn’t plan this!” Aaron hissed taking a seat. “When I wanted a one night stand, I didn’t intend to take his shirt off and see… that.”

“What are you going to do?”

“For now? Nothing,” Aaron said. “No one can know Paddy. I mean it, you have got to get mum to calm down. What would telling anyone achieve? Robert would still be married to Chrissie, he had nothing to do with Katie’s death, and I’d still be here. Stuck.”

“Why did you match with him?” Paddy asked. “When you knew how complicated this could get. He's hardly the most reliable person.”

“It’s not the match that’s the problem,” Aaron said surely. It wasn't, he'd love Robert whatever. For his sins apparently. “That helps me… see inside his head. To know how he’s feeling. I sense him when he’s not with me, but it’s not that that made me fall for him.”

“Aaron…”

“I do not want mum knowing about the match,” Aaron said firmly. “I can’t handle it, she’d only pressure me to break it.”

“Do you want to break it?” Paddy asked, and Aaron shook his head without thinking about it. He had some small part of Robert that no one else had ever had. He wasn’t giving that up without a fight.

“I can’t,” Aaron said. “I’m in love with him, Paddy. What would you do if you were me?”

“Probably not get into this mess in the first place,” Paddy said.

“If you saw someone with your number, would you resist it?” Paddy didn’t answer, he didn’t need to. The temptation to see what all the fuss was about felt far too strong.

“What’re you going to do?”

“I can’t stop this,” Aaron said. “It’s gone too far.”

“You’re an idiot,” Paddy said. That did at least get the faintest smile out of Aaron.

“I know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know when I'm next going to get a chapter up. I've been told I update too often / flood the ao3 page with mass produced mediocre writing. I personally don't agree that I flood the robron fandom, (the quality of my work is open to opinion) but it has knocked my confidence a bit. Will return when I'm in the mood again. Which probably won't be too long knowing me. Can never seem to stay away long. Hope you enjoyed this chapter.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am aware that I might be messing with the exact order of things, and how they happened, but it's been ages since I've watched affair era stuff. I hope it still works, and again I might be moving over things a little quick. But I have a lot of canon to catch up on! Thank you for the masses of support on the last chapter and this story.
> 
> Chapter specific warnings for suicidal thoughts (Andy) but it should be nothing worse than on screen. Enjoy!

The post mortem came back as accidental death. Aaron was relieved, it made it easier for him to believe what he dearly wanted to. That Robert, (and Katie herself) were just in the wrong place at the wrong time. But when he was with Robert, it became easy. Simply because he knew Robert, and he didn’t believe Robert had it in him to kill someone. Almost.

* * *

 

The next few days passed for Aaron in an absolute blur. The village was all deeply affected by Katie’s death, none more so than Andy who seemed to be absolutely breaking in two. The funeral passed without incident. Well, if you counted Aaron steadily ignoring Robert, bond and all, while he tried to keep up a front. While he tried not to fall apart.

* * *

 

He’d started running. It seemed to help him focus, to help him think of anything else other than Robert, Chrissie, Katie and the absolute mess they’d made of everything. Plus, when he ran in the opposite direction to Robert, he had the added bonus of having his mind to himself one hundred percent again. And there were times he needed that, badly.

* * *

 

Andy continued to break into pieces. How the hell Aaron ended up on the quarry edge with Robert and Andy, Aaron had no idea. But they were there, and Aaron could feel about seventy different emotions coming off Robert as he tried to talk his brother down, so he wouldn’t kill himself. Robert felt fear, hatred, absolute sheer terror, guilt. Aaron knew why, he felt it himself. If he and Robert hadn’t been having an affair, Katie would never have been there. She would never have fallen through a rotted floor and none of them would be here right now.

Aaron left Robert to it, talking Andy down. Andy wouldn’t do it, Aaron knew that, but if Robert wanted to “be the hero” Aaron wasn’t going to stop him. Aaron had been too close to ending it all before to believe Andy wanted this. He was grieving, he was in unimaginable pain. But he had kids, he didn’t want to die. Aaron knew the difference.

He ignored the two Sugdens and walked to the quarry, looking over the edge. Looking into the gap of nothingness. Thinking. It would end it all. Aaron didn’t know if he wanted that, but the option was tempting. To just… forget. Forget about Katie, forget about the affair, forget about his match with Robert which would clearly never give him the happy ending he wanted. He hated himself for even thinking it, but just taking a few more steps felt so bloody tempting. For a few seconds anyway.

“Aaron!!” He heard Robert shout as if from a great distance. It didn’t really register in his brain. The fear from their link did. “What the hell are you doing?!” Robert screamed.

“Nothing,” Aaron said, taking a step backwards, feeling Robert’s arms tight around his waist, as if to stop him. He was so much warmer than the night air and Aaron instinctively moved towards him. Robert felt good. “Nothing,” he repeated.

“It didn’t feel like nothing,” Robert said, eyes wild. “Are you… what…”

“How’s Andy?”

“I’ve got the car keys, he’s going nowhere,” Robert said. “Don’t worry about that.”

“Because I’m sure Andy can’t hot wire a car,” Aaron said sarcastically.

“I’m worried about you,” Robert said, and Aaron could feel it. He was.

“It’s our fault she’s dead,” Aaron said. “How can you…”

“It’s not our fault,” Robert said.

“Of course it is!” Aaron snapped. “If we weren’t sleeping together, she would never have been convinced you were having an affair! If I hadn’t text her, she’d have never been in that building! Of course this is our fault.”

“She and Andy had bought the building!” Robert hissed. “She was always going to end up there at some point.”

“Yeah, but maybe not dead,” Aaron said. “This is our fault, how can you not feel it?” Robert slid his hands up to Aaron’s neck and pressed his forehead against Aaron’s.

“I feel it,” Robert said. And Aaron could genuinely feel that he did. He felt the regret, the fear, guilt, and he also felt the affection for Aaron. Robert could never hide from him, not like this. It was too much. Aaron kissed him, but only briefly, just in case Andy turned around. “We’ll be okay,” Robert said.

“We won’t,” Aaron countered, speaking quietly. “This Katie thing… I’m the affair Robert, you’re married. You know that. This will end.”

“I don’t want it to,” Robert said. “Do you?”

“No.”

“That’s decided then,” Robert said. “Now stop being an idiot and come home.” Aaron nodded once, heading back to the car.

“I’m staying at the pub tonight,” Robert said. “I want to make sure Andy doesn’t do anything stupid.

“There’s not another spare room,” Aaron said. “And no, that wasn’t an invitation,” Aaron added, feeling the spark of interest from Robert instantly. “If you’re keeping an eye on Andy, that won’t happen in my bed.”

“Be fun though,” Robert teased. “I’ll make do on the floor, it’s fine.”

“Why would you bother?” Aaron asked. They were at the car now, Andy leaning back against the seat, having fallen asleep.

“I know we disagree over almost everything,” Robert said. “But he is my brother. And believe it or not, I do feel guilty.” Robert got in the car, Aaron quickly following as they drove back into the village.

* * *

Aaron slept heavily. He could tell, when he woke up the house was already buzzing with activity, voices drifting up from downstairs. He focused, trying to feel Robert. He’d said he was staying over, and he found the thread of their connection. It was the most relaxed both of them had been in weeks. Aaron suddenly felt a spark of lust that wasn’t his own, jolting in his mind. Aaron stilled completely, breathing heavily as his heart started to race. Was Robert really doing what Aaron thought he was? Another rush of want and Aaron closed his eyes. Yes, he was doing exactly that, probably in one of the bedrooms next to his. Smiling, Aaron turned over into his pillow, and let the prickles of lust overwhelm him. There was something deliciously indulgent, about knowing and feeling Robert getting himself off, all the time aware that he was thinking of Aaron. For the first time in ages, Aaron let himself get lost in the feeling of being absolutely wanted.

 


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel I need to apologise for the long delay in updating. I suddenly found this so difficult to write! I am still following canon, but I think I'm tweaking the order events happened in for this story. That said, I hope someone's still reading and enjoying this!!

The first time it happened, Aaron was having breakfast at home. It was just a normal boring morning when he started to feel the hair on the back of neck prickling. He’d got used to that by now, he knew that was his and Robert’s link, that Robert was probably either thinking of him, or close by. Given that it was seven in the morning, Aaron had money on the former. Then he heard it, the echoing whisper of his name in Robert’s voice. _Aaron_. God, that was creepy as hell. Then he felt the faint stirring of an arousal that wasn’t his own. “Oh, you are kidding me.” Aaron couldn’t believe this. So, Robert was having morning sex with his wife while thinking of him? God, this soul mate thing was totally crap. He felt a twist of lust in his stomach and dropped the mug he’d been drinking from. It smashed on the floor, which at least distracted him from the disconnected echoes of emotions that he wasn’t actually currently feeling. He was going to kill Robert for this.

* * *

 

“Hey!” Aaron shouted across the street, closing the gap between him and Robert, so that no other villager could overhear. “Next time you’re having sex with your wife, if you could not think of me that’d be great.”

Robert looked at him. “I’m sorry?”

“I could feel you thinking of me!” Aaron hissed at him. “Actually feel it! You know how twisted that is? To know you’re with her and…” Aaron swallowed, unable to carry on. Robert looked smug for all of three seconds before Aaron lost his temper, throwing him up against the nearest wall. “I know you’re married. I accept that, I hate it but I live with it. You think of me when you’re screwing her again and we’re going to have a big problem.”

“I was in the shower,” Robert said.

“Excuse me?”

“I wasn’t with her, I was in the shower,” Robert repeated. “On my own.”

“So, let me get this straight, your wife, and your lover isn’t enough for you, you still have to resort to your right hand?” Aaron scoffed and walked away.

 _Aaron._ Robert hadn’t spoken out loud, but Aaron heard it in his mind, clearer than before. It was Robert’s voice, caressing his name, but Robert hadn’t actually spoken. He’d heard this was possible, but to hear Robert in his mind, so crystal clear was a shock to the system. He turned and looked at Robert. 

“You heard that, didn’t you?” Robert asked, eyes glowing with hope.

“Heard what?” Aaron said, feigning indifference. It didn’t fool either of them. “Look… don’t mess with my head, I’ve got enough of that all on my own.”

“I can’t hear you,” Robert said, seeming sad. “You’re not…”

“Yeah, well,” Aaron said with a shrug. “All the stories say it gets stronger, and I’ve got a few weeks on you.” Plus he wasn’t really trying either, but he wasn’t about to pull that thread. He had no wish for Robert to hear him in his own head. That man already had too much over him.

* * *

Aaron ran. He did not like this new development in the link between his and Robert’s soul connection. He liked keeping his head his own, and even though so far Robert had only said his name a few times, it felt too invasive, too much. So Aaron ran anywhere which would make the connection less prevalent. Which would make his mind his own again. He knew he was pushing it and he could also tell that Chas was worrying about him again. He kept catching her and Paddy having private conversations which always stopped when he came in. He didn't really want to know what they'd spoken about, though.

* * *

One night, things changed. He wasn’t exactly seeing Robert, they were both letting the dust settle after Katie’s death. But Aaron also wasn’t exactly… _not_ seeing him either. The pub was packed, and Aaron was in a corner mulling over his own pint, his eyes most definitely not swinging back to Robert every minute or so. They weren’t far enough away to be out of earshot, so Aaron heard the White’s and their Easter plans. He felt hollow, hearing Chrissie describe their blissful ideal. He pushed at their connection, and could feel Robert’s feelings of smugness, like a plan was coming together. They’d been matched for too long now, that feeling was becoming familiar to him, even though it wasn’t something Aaron had ever personally felt.

Aaron left and could feel Robert following him through to the toilets. “Going to tell me you were going off with your wife for a holiday?” Aaron asked bitterly. He didn’t know if Robert entirely deserved this reaction, Aaron had always been aware Robert was taken. But logic didn’t really match how he felt, did it? And he was seething with jealousy.

“No,” Robert said.

“Great,” Aaron said dully.

“I wanted it to be a surprise.”

“You are kidding me, right?” Aaron said. “You’re unbelievable.”

“I wanted it to be a surprise, because they’re going. I’m staying right here because I want to be with you,” Robert said urgently. Aaron wanted to believe him, and it was easy to. Oh so easy.

“Think about it. A week with me and you, all to ourselves. Not a stolen conversation here or there. We’d have so much time…” Robert’s voice had lowered and Aaron shivered with want. That did sound good. Ideally he’d want Robert for much more than that, but an entire week… it sounded so tempting and was so much more than they’d ever shared before.

“You sure you can swing that?” Aaron asked, feeling the glow coming off him.

“Yes,” Robert said. “I want this, I miss you.” Robert pressed a sweet gentle kiss to Aaron’s lips, and Aaron’s heart stuttered. God, this felt so good, and when he had Robert like this it was so easy to see why he was happy being the affair, being the bit on the side.

“I heard that,” Robert whispered into Aaron‘s ear. “You said my name.”

“No I didn’t…”

“In here,” Robert said, pressing his fingers to Aaron’s temple. “You said my name when we were kissing and…”

“No, I didn’t,” Aaron said more firmly. He hadn’t intended to. Hadn’t even been aware of developing the connection more, he’d just known when he felt Robert’s lips he’d wanted so much more than what they had time for in the mens loo.

“Aaron…”

“Drop it,” he said firmly, starting to become uncomfortable. “And text me when she’s gone,” he added with a wink. Robert grinned before going back through to the bar, giving Aaron a thirty second head start.

* * *

Chas was rushed off her feet and she heard the splutter as the barrel ran dry and she sighed. Scanning around the pub, she saw Aaron and smiled at him. He took the wordless message and nodded, going through to the cellar to change it, while Chas poured the wine instead. That’s when it happened.

Andy had been drinking from the afternoon, well into the night and he’d snapped, starting to throw his fists towards Sam of all people, who‘d said something that Andy in his drunk state had obviously taken offence to. Robert hurried across the pub, reaching for Andy, trying to stop him, and there was a struggle while both Sugden’s fought with each other. Andy was the stronger, but Robert was the more sober one, which meant Robert managed to stop him before Andy completely made an idiot of himself.

But not before Robert’s ruffled shirt slipped up his back. Robert’s soul number was on full display, only for a split second, but it was enough. Chas gasped, because she knew that number. You didn’t look at other people’s, it was an unspoken rule that you just didn’t look. It was rude and invasive. But she knew Aaron’s number, he was her son so of course she’d seen it. And the fact that Robert flaming Sugden’s number was identical… it horrified her.

 


	12. Chapter 12

“Oi!” Chas snapped the next morning as she heard Aaron attempting to sneak out. “I want a word with you!”

“Mum, I’m going out for my run,” Aaron said. “Then I’ve got to go to work. So whatever it is, can this wait?”

“No!” Chas shouted. “Come in and shut the door, or I’ll shout it to the whole village.” Chas looked livid and like she really wanted to raise hell, so Aaron went into the back room of the pub.

“Can we make the lecture quick?” Aaron said. He was tired, he needed fresh air, and Robert was distantly upset even though both men were trying to shut it out right now.

“I saw Robert last night.”

“Yeah, I hear he lives in this village,” Aaron said sarcastically. “Why is this news?”

“He and Andy had a thing last night.”

“Again, why’s this news?” Aaron said, getting exasperated now. “I have a busy day.”

“I saw his number!” Chas hissed. That did make Aaron stop, staring at her.

“Well, that’s rude,” Aaron said, avoiding the real question.

“Don’t give me that, I…”

“You shouldn’t be looking!” Aaron shouted. “It’s none of your business anyway.”

“Aaron… have you… matched yourself with him?” Chas asked, her voice hesitant and almost nervous.

“Tell me, what answer are you hoping for here?” Aaron said. “That I have and I know what it is to be his match? Or that I haven’t, and will always wonder what could have been?”

“I just want to know,” Chas said. “Please talk to me, I’m your mum.”

“Yes, I have. We have,” Aaron said dully, ignoring her appalled face. “Oh, come on, at least it gives you a reason why I can’t leave Robert alone.” This wasn’t true. Their link made it more complicated, made everything deeper and more intense… but it wasn’t the reason that Aaron was still wishing Robert could really be his. It wasn’t the reason he’d fallen in love with him. But it also was perfectly fine with him if Chas believed that was the reason.

“I thought that was all over,” Chas said.

“It’s never going to be over,” Aaron said heavily.

“You could break it,” Chas said.

“I can’t,” Aaron said.

“Why? He won’t agree? That selfish…”

“I can’t because I don’t want to,” Aaron said, making her effectively go silent. “You have no idea what it’s like.”

“He’s Robert Sugden!”

“And he is so much more than what he shows people,” Aaron said. “I know he is, I feel it, and I don’t need to explain it to you.”

“Aaron, why would you even put yourself through it?” Chas asked. “You’ve heard the stories, you know what it’s like. And you knew he was taken.”

“None of which stopped me,” Aaron said. “And I’d do it again.” He reached for her hand across the kitchen table, keeping his touch just below her wrist, where her own number was. “Come on, if you had the chance to find out what it could be like… are you telling me you’d turn away just because it’s complicated?”

Chas sighed and pulled her hand back. “Just promise me you’ll be careful.”

“Bit late for that,” Aaron said. “It’s fine. I’m fine. Now just… leave it alone, it is what it is.”

“Aaron, please…”

“I’m late,” Aaron said, getting up for his run. The conversation was over.

* * *

 

Aaron felt it when Chrissie left the village. He could feel the relief and sense of freedom radiating off Robert, even all the way up at Home Farm. Aaron wondered why Robert stayed with her, if he felt like he was in prison whenever Chrissie was there. But he wasn’t going to ask that question, he had a feeling it had an answer he wouldn’t like. And he wasn’t about to ruin their week together by asking why Robert was still with her.

When Aaron got the text, he hurried over to Home Farm, hating a little bit of himself for just coming running whenever Robert clicked his fingers. But right now the promise of some fantastic sex was too good to start getting all moral about it. If he was a moral man, he’d never have gone for Robert in the first place.

“You could make yourself at home,” Robert said, passing Aaron a beer in the kitchen.

“It’s not my home,” Aaron said. Then kicked himself for voicing it because Robert blanched. “I’m not here to drink beer, you know that.” Robert smirked, and Aaron could feel the anticipation from both of them. This was the good bit, the uncomplicated bit. The part of their relationship that would always work and was always mind blowing. Which had been the original reason Aaron kept going back for more. Or at least that’s what he’d told himself.

* * *

Afterwards, Aaron curled into Robert’s body. He enjoyed this more than he probably should. At least, until Robert stiffened and went slopping back to his wife, breaking the spell that they’d been under. But now, now they had the time. And Robert was soft in the afterglow, almost tender. If they totally disregarded the context. It was gentle and Aaron let his mind wander, testing the connection between them. Robert felt fully relaxed too, the way he only got after sex. It was as close to blissful as Aaron had felt in years.

“You staying here tonight?” Robert asked. Aaron hadn’t even known that was an option, he didn’t like to assume.

“I probably shouldn’t.”

“I’ve not done what I “should” do since I was fourteen,” Robert said with a smile, hand threading through Aaron’s hair, now soft and free from it’s hair gel.

“That’s generous, more like since you were eight,” Aaron said with an almost under his breath chuckle.

“I want you to stay,” Robert said, eyes honest. “I want to fall asleep with you, I want to wake up with you. I want to enjoy this.”

“Fine, but I’m sneaking out in the morning so mum thinks I’m at home.”

“You’re too old to be sneaking in to fool your mother,” Robert said critically. “It’s not her business what you do.”

“You really want Chas Dingle on your case?” Aaron asked. “Because I don’t want her lecturing me about who I choose to see. It won't change my mind and it's just a hassle I can do without.”

“That’s a good point,” Robert said. “Stay. I can cook.” Aaron snorted with laughter. “I can.”

“Prove it.”

“Give me half an hour,” Robert said smugly. “Actually forty five minutes, I need a quick shower.”

“Okay,” Aaron said. “Impress me in the kitchen.”

“I…”

“And I don’t mean on the kitchen table,” Aaron said, cutting off the joke he could see Robert was going to tell. Robert laughed, going into the bathroom and Aaron closed his eyes. He loved this so much. He felt so wanted, more so than he ever had. For much of his life he’d been the afterthought, just struggling to get by even going back to his teenage years, his childhood. He had very rare stretches of life that he actually enjoyed. Times with Adam were high up there in his mental list of good experiences, some memories of his previous partners, some good old Dingle knees ups too. But nothing like this. When he had Robert, Aaron felt like he was everything. Aaron had never felt in his life before that he wasn’t lacking anything at all. If only he could be more like this or less like that. But with Robert, in those precious hours that he had him completely… it felt so unspeakably right, and this was exactly where he belonged. He wanted so much more than Robert could give him, and he wanted it with this man, his match, his soul mate.  
Aaron wanted everything with Robert.

It was the cold reality that he wasn’t going to get it that cut him to the bone.

 


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A warning for blood / violence mention here, very mild.

“Aaron!” Chas said brightly as he came in, clearly from his morning run. She hadn’t even heard him leave, must have been up early. “Can I talk to you?”

“I need a shower,” Aaron said, though he got himself a glass of water and waited anyway.

“You seem… better lately,” Chas started tentatively. She was well aware the White’s had gone away for a few days, it was this damn soul match that was changing her son. Because now Robert wasn’t here, Aaron seemed happier.

“Okay…” Aaron said. “And?”

“Not seeing Robert is so good for you,” Chas said. “Really, you just need to stay away from him when he gets back.”

Aaron laughed. Actually laughed. “How thick are you?”

“Aaron!” Chas shouted.

“I’m not happier,” Aaron said. “And Robert’s not gone anywhere.”

“What?” Chas asked.

“You are not this stupid,” Aaron said. “Men who’re having affairs don’t tend to go away happily with their wives. He’s still here, I’m seeing him. Now can we drop it?” 

“Aaron, why?!”

“Because I want to,” Aaron said. “I’m not an idiot, I know it’s all going to come crashing down around me sooner or later. But right now I’m going to enjoy our match while I can. And mum, you’re not to say anything either. I know I live with you, but I can make my own decisions, all right?”

“Fine,” Chas said through gritted teeth. “I just want you to be careful, I know you’re going to get hurt.”

“It’s my life,” Aaron said. “Now I need a shower.”

* * *

_"Breaking your soul match is possible, and is actually quite simple, as long as both parties agree. Both matched people need to literally cut through their opposites number, a knife is usually used. It doesn’t have to be deep at all, it’s the intent that’s important. As long as both of them are willing, there should be no long term complications or problems. Though once a connection is broken, there is no possibility of it ever being reformed. It won’t…_

“Don’t text me from Aaron’s phone.”

Chas looked up from her laptop, closing it and trying to let the words she’d just read vanish from her mind. Being faced with Robert Sugden wasn’t a much better experience though.

“What?” Chas asked.

“Aaron never signs his names on the text messages,” Robert said. “If you’re going to fake it, at least be mildly convincing.” Robert closed the door to the back room of the pub. “So, what did you want with me?”

“Why did you match yourself to my son?” Chas asked, standing up. It was only a mild flicker of surprise around his eyes that showed he hadn’t been aware she’d known that.

“I haven’t…”

“Aaron says you have,” Chas said. “I don’t care about you and your marriage, I really don’t. But why would you bring Aaron down with you?”

“You’ve no idea what it’s like,” Robert said. “And I’m not going to explain myself to you.”

“He had no idea…”

“Aaron’s not some kid,” Robert said with disdain. “He knew exactly what he as getting into, he’s an adult.”

“You tricked him…”

“Oh, come on,” Robert said. “It might not all be easy, but when he saw our matching numbers, he knew what could happen. He chose this, it wasn’t all just me. Now, I’ve got things to do.” Robert adjusted his leather jacket with a smug smile Chas wanted to slap off his face. “Oh, and give Aaron back his phone.” Chas bit back her retort and let Robert go. She should have known she’d get nothing from Robert, but that man made her so angry. She hadn’t been able to resist.

* * *

“You told your mother about us?!” Robert hissed that night when they were alone. He hadn't waited for Aaron to even say hello, he'd walked into Home Farm and Robert had rounded on him. Robert hated being in a vulnerable position, and Chas had done exactly this to him.

“I had no choice,” Aaron said.

“Of course you did!” Robert snapped. “Now she knows I’m… we’re…”

“Think carefully about how you end that sentence,” Aaron said, voice dangerously low.

“There was no need to tell her about our match,” Robert said, getting in Aaron‘s face. “That was private!” Aaron had had enough now, and he retaliated, pushing Robert up against the wall. A move that apparently wasn’t getting old.

“Maybe you shouldn’t get into fist fights in the local pub!” Aaron said. “I didn’t tell her, she saw your number when you started wrestling with Andy! She’s got a memory, she knows it’s the same as mine.”

“You didn’t have to tell her we were matched though,” Robert said, breathing heavily as he tried not to enjoy the feeling of Aaron’s hands very near his throat. He should not be enjoying this.

“I didn’t see any point to lying,” Aaron said. “I want the world to know you’re mine, but I can’t have that, can I?”

“You knew what this was,” Robert said. “Don’t pretend you didn’t.” Aaron moved his hand down Robert’s body until he was hovering over his number, just the thin cotton of his shirt between their skin. Aaron took the look in Robert’s eyes for permission, and he pushed the fabric away, pushing his fingers over the number. Robert closed his eyes, knees buckling as the intense rush of emotion over took him. It wasn’t like they never touched each others numbers, while having sex they often brushed against them. But never this slow, this intense, not since they’d been matched.

“If I’m not pretending, neither are you,” Aaron said, not moving his fingers away from his number. “This is more than just sex.”

“Stop,” Robert breathed. Aaron lifted his hand, still holding onto Robert’s body so he didn’t fall over. Robert kept gasping for breath, like he’d run a marathon, eyes closed as he focused his way through it.

“Sh, easy,” Aaron murmured, kissing against Robert’s temple. “This is more,” Aaron said into the quiet. “You know that.”

“Yes,” Robert said. “I do, and this is how it is. You know that too.” Aaron swallowed uncomfortably, his eyes flicking upstairs. Robert took the hint and nodded, but not before kissing Aaron softly and tenderly.

“I’m sorry this is such a mess,” Robert whispered.

“Me too.”


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I've been lax about updating this one. Sorry! Hope you can forgive the gap between updates, and enjoy.

Robert managed to get rid of Aaron in time for Chrissie’s surprise arrival home, two days early. He hated doing it, but his time with Aaron had only ever been a brief reprieve from his life. It could never be more, this was the life he’d made. Aaron was a distraction, nothing more. Or that’s what he told himself.

He didn’t see Aaron for a few days, he knew the younger man was avoiding him. Robert felt their connection occasionally, but only when his defences were low. Usually he didn’t search for it, usually he just focused on Chrissie or the business. That was until one late afternoon when he heard his name, almost like it was being shouted in his head. Robert stopped reading the email he was, trying to reach Aaron, but he couldn’t. There was nothing there.

Robert gave up work for the day. He wasn’t alone in the office, Lawrence was grumbling over something, so Robert sent a quick text, asking if Aaron was okay. He got nothing back, and that screaming in his head followed by a long silence was worrying. He made his excuses to Lawrence and drove down to the village, making a beeline to the pub. What worried him the most was that in the short journey down, Aaron had gone totally silent in his head. Either out of range, or… no, that had to be it. Out of range. Robert was certain he would feel more than absence if Aaron was in some kind of serious danger. He looked through the pub door and saw Diane behind the bar. No Chas. So he went through to the back, he didn’t want to advertise the fact he was looking for Aaron.

He found Chas in the back and she looked less than pleased to see him. “What do you want?”

“Pleasant chat?” Robert suggested. “Where’s Aaron?” he added when that clearly wasn’t going down well.

“You think I’m going to let you see him?” Chas said stubbornly.

“I don’t think you can stop me,” Robert countered. Then tried to tone it down, being snarky with her wasn’t going to help find out where Aaron currently was. “Look, I know he’s not here. I just need to know where he is.” Clearly there was something in his tone that gave the concern away because Chas didn’t reply with something cutting.

“It’s none of your business,” Chas said, though without any anger. “If he wanted you to know where he is, he’d call you. Sadly.”

“Chas, I know you don’t like me and there’s probably nothing I can do to fix that, so I won’t waste time trying,” Robert said quickly. “I can’t hear him any more. I can’t feel him in my head. Something is wrong.” 

“Maybe he came to his senses and broke your match,” Chas said, though she didn’t look like she believed that.

“He can’t break it without me,” Robert said. “You know that.”

“Go away.”

“Fine,” Robert said. “Don’t believe me. He could be dead in a ditch somewhere but I’m sure that’s just fine with his mother.”

Chas breathed in deeply as Robert turned to leave, meaning to find Aaron on his own. Maybe Adam would know. He could ask that he needed to talk to Aaron about the business. Adam didn’t ask too many questions usually.

“What do you mean, you can’t hear him?” Chas asked.

“We’ve got a… link, a connection,” Robert said. “I can… sometimes read what he’s feeling. And never since we matched has he been this silent. I’m worried.”

“He went out for a run,” Chas said, relenting.

“When?”

Chas looked at the clock on the wall. “Oh… a while ago, actually.”

“Right, I’m going looking for him.”

“I’m coming with you,” Chas said, shouting through to Diane that she was going out. She did pause to grab a few torches from the draw, as it was getting dark. Robert thought about arguing, but then decided it was a waste of time. If she wanted to come, he couldn’t stop her. And two might be better than one anyway.

* * *

Aaron could only feel the pain. And this wasn’t the pain of working out too hard, or pushing his run a bit too far. This was sharp, stabbing pain vibrating through his entire leg, and he couldn’t move. His ankle was caught on a tree stump or something, and it was at a very strange angle. Everything told him he’d at least fractured it, probably broken it. He’d lost his phone when he’d fallen and he couldn’t reach it. So now, he was going to lie here and wait for a dog walker to come and find him. He had a feeling he was too far from the road. When he’d gone over, he had shouted Robert’s name in his head. He hadn’t meant to, but it was almost like an instinct he couldn’t stop. Aaron hoped Robert hadn’t heard him, because hearing that and ignoring him was probably worse. Besides the fact that he shouldn’t be relying on Robert for anything at all in the first place. He knew better than that.

It was starting to get dark, and Aaron wanted to pass out, from the pain and the cold. Staying awake, staying conscious was proving tough and he could feel the pull of simply closing his eyes. It would be so easy. Actually he did close his eyes, though he was still awake and could feel a push in his mind. Robert. He tried to focus on it and could hear Robert’s voice. “Where are you?” It sounded aggressive and wound up, and Aaron considered not answering him. Cocky arrogant git.

“Fell,” Aaron replied. He didn’t want to say anything else, he didn’t want to rely on Robert but he needed help. He also didn’t know exactly where he was, so that couldn’t be helpful either.

* * *

“He’s fallen over,” Robert said, driving on the road through the forest that Chas said he usually ran through. 

“How do you know that?” Chas spat as Robert parked up. He could feel a distant echo of pain in his mind, and knew Aaron was relatively close. “Clairvoyant are you?”

“No, because our matching numbers are not just a freakish coincidence,” Robert said, having had enough now. “I know, because I know him. I can hear him, I’m not making stuff up. Now do you want to sit here and argue with me, or do you want to find your son?” Chas clearly took the path of least resistance and they got out of the car, Chas shouting Aaron’s name. Robert wanted to find him too, but he decided to use his mind and their match rather than sheer volume. Most of the time, Robert didn’t appreciate this link, he only did when he was actually with Aaron. But right now, he needed it.

* * *

“Aaron!” Robert shouted, pushing Chas aside to get to him, lying on the cold ground. Chas just watched, almost open mouthed as Robert cradled Aaron’s face with both his hands, tenderly. “Call an ambulance!” Robert snapped to Chas, not letting go of Aaron, looking into his eyes.

“You’re going to be all right,” Robert said. “I promise.”

“My ankles all messed up,” Aaron said, voice faint and a little bit broken.

“Yeah, you’ll be fine,” Robert reassured. He quickly covered Aaron with his own jacket as Chas watched distantly, on the phone to the ambulance. She watched as Robert stroked her sons face, she watched the look of total focus in Aaron’s eyes as he tried to stay conscious. It was as if for both men, she wasn’t even there. She didn’t matter. They weren’t talking, or they weren’t talking out loud at any rate. They were simply staring at each other, Robert’s hands running through Aaron’s hair occasionally and Chas felt like she was the intruder here. She shouldn’t be watching something so intensely private and intimate. She’d met only a handful of people in her life that were matched, or admitted it, but she’d never quite seen this. This depth of feeling, this attitude that the entire world beyond their private little bubble didn’t matter. It was so… well, if it wasn’t Robert Sugden, she’d feel so happy that her son had found this level of connection. This depth of feeling. But she couldn’t, because her sons match was married. And for a few moments in the quiet, she felt unbearably sad for the whole situation. Because it couldn't end well, not ever.

 


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, I'm not repeating scenes from the affair that I'm not changing, so I hope this still works.

Robert only let go of Aaron once the paramedics were loading him up into the ambulance. “You actually care about him,” Chas said.

“Of course I do,” Robert said. “What, you think I’m carrying on seeing with him just to complicate my life?”

“Well, yes,” Chas said, going to the car, Robert following her. “You hardly do the most logical things, do you?”

“Not all the time,” Robert said. “Just think about how difficult this is for me.” Chas snorted. “I am matched with someone and I’m married to someone else. That is not easy.”

“Oh, poor you,” Chas said sarcastically. “I might feel some sympathy for you if you found this out AFTER you married her. You didn’t, you already knew this. This is your own stupid mess, and I don’t care about that. What I care about is the fact that you’re going to drag Aaron down with you.”

“He knew how things were as well,” Robert said. “Do you want a lift back to the village?”

“You’re not going to the hospital?” Chas asked. She got in the car anyway, intending to follow Aaron to the hospital. But the paramedics hadn’t seemed too worried, so she was more angry that upset.

“I will tomorrow,” Robert said, shifting uncomfortably. “It’s late and I have to get home. Chrissie will be wondering where I am.”

“You don’t care,” Chas said bitterly, going back to her original opinion of him.

“Of course I do,” Robert said. “I’ll see him tomorrow.”

“If you cared, you’d break the connection,” Chas said.

“If I did that, we’d never get it back,” Robert said. “And I’m not ready to give him up.”

“You’re a greedy git,” Chas said.

“Guilty,” Robert said. They were both quiet until he pulled up the car outside the pub. “Make sure he’s okay.” Chas grumbled under her breath as she got out of Robert’s car, and he turned around to go up to Home Farm. It was unravelling, he could feel it. He needed to stop seeing Aaron to save his marriage. But he couldn’t stop seeing Aaron, he knew that deep in his soul.

* * *

Aaron woke up, feeling groggy and disorientated as the hospital room came into focus. His ankle. Right. He remembered. Chas was sitting next to him, her head on her shoulder as she dozed. It was morning, judging from the daylight out the window.

“Mum…” Aaron said. She moved and then smiled at him, a too easy “you’ve been in danger, so I’m not going to have a go at you” kind of smile. “What happened?”

“You’ve fractured your ankle,” Chas said. “They’ve patched it up, and they wanted to see how you did overnight. You were dehydrated and… close to exhaustion.”

“No, I wasn’t, I was fine,” Aaron said dismissively. “Just tripped.”

“I think you’ve been pushing the running a bit too far,” Chas said.

“I’ll ease back, it’s fine,” Aaron said. “Not like I can run far on this anyway, is it?” He raised his leg in illustration, feeling the weight of the cast. “Where’s Robert?”

“Probably at home with his wife,” Chas said bitterly, her entire tone changing.

“He was there,” Aaron said. “I remember.”

“Yeah,” Chas admitted reluctantly. “He found you. Doesn’t change who he is though.”

“Did he not… come and see me?” Aaron asked, hating how weak he sounded.

“You need to let him go, love,” Chas said sadly. Aaron breathed in deeply and ignored that. “Were you… pushing yourself too hard because… as a way to hurt yourself?”

“Mum, leave it,” Aaron said. “I’m fine. And I’m not running anywhere now, so just… leave it.” Chas shut up, but she looked far from happy.

* * *

 

“How is he?” Robert asked immediately when Chas came into the office at Home Farm. 

“Not worried the wife’s going to overhear?” Chas said.

“We’re alone,” Robert said. “So if you want to make a scene, or go telling tales to Chrissie you’re going to have to wait.” Chas sighed. “Now, how is he?”

“He’s going to be okay,” Chas said and Robert nodded. “The doctors said the ankle isn’t the main problem. The ankle’s fine, or it will be. They say he’s been pushing himself to extremes for weeks. Too much running.”

“I know,” Robert said, as she’d clearly been intending to shock him.

“How do you know?”

“I sleep with him, do you want the graphic details?” Robert said bluntly.

“Why didn’t you stop him?!” Chas shouted.

“Oh, come on,” Robert said. “When has anyone ever stopped Aaron doing anything he’s set his mind to?” That was so undeniably true that Chas had no argument to it. “Why’re you really here? I doubt it’s to inform me that Aaron’s okay.”

“I should tell your wife,” Chas said. “Get Aaron out of this mess.”

“And you think that will work out really well for anyone?” Robert asked. “Leave us alone, it’s working.”

“My son went to hospital last night!” Chas snapped. “That’s not working out for him, is it?!”

“What’re you going to do?” Robert asked. “Aaron doesn’t want anyone to know, so…”

“I can’t believe I’m letting you get away with this,” Chas said. “If Aaron gets hurt, I will end you.”

“Is he home?” Robert asked, but he didn’t need to. He could feel Aaron distantly in his mind. Chas didn’t answer, but left the office, and Robert focused on talking to Aaron. Robert told Aaron something he never had, something he didn’t know he was brave enough to admit face to face.

_“I love you.”_

Even though he had no way to see Aaron’s reaction, he felt vulnerable at the words. He knew Aaron had felt them, he just didn’t get a reply back.

* * *

 

Aaron had just necked some painkillers, hobbling to the sofa when he felt those words from Robert. He needed to hear them, knew Robert felt them, but actually having him admit it… it felt good. So good, and he hated that. How had he got into the position that Robert loving him was something he needed? Robert repeated himself, and Aaron could feel the vulnerability in him, and he had to give him something.

_“Took your time.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Coming up, Paddy in the grain pit and the Lodge. Eek, nervous about that!! Hope you liked this!! x


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mentions for violence in this chapter, more the threat of violence though. This has taken ages to write, and it's only half the lodge scene, so another chapter to go. I hope this is okay, as these are the scenes I'm super nervous about...

 

Time passed. Aaron’s ankle healed and he managed to get around once again. Things with Robert were still happening, Aaron was unable to call the whole thing off, but he knew it was building to a point where it was all going to come crumbling down around them. Of course, Aaron wasn’t prepared for it when Paddy said “Robert tried to kill me.” He wanted to deny it, but Paddy wasn’t lying. Which meant Robert did it. Why the hell would he try to bury Paddy in a grain pit? It wasn’t until “if you weren’t his alibi, I’d seriously think he had something to do with Katie’s death.” that Aaron started to lose his grip on the situation.

“You don’t mean that,” Aaron said from instinct.

“Aaron, wake up!” Paddy shouted. “He tried to drown me in a grain pit because I threatened to tell his wife! Grow up!”

He disagreed with Paddy on a lot of things, but it got him thinking. He arranged with Robert to meet somewhere away from the village, Robert sorting out all the details. His excuse to the White's. Through their match, Robert knew something was bothering Aaron, but he didn’t ask what which Aaron was grateful for. There was a balance with their soul match and neither of them wanted to push it too far, or to become too intimate with their connection. They were an affair, that wouldn’t do.

* * *

 

Aaron arrived at the lodge first, knowing Robert would have to make his excuses to Chrissie. It gave him a prickle up his spine when Robert came into range, being able to feel him again. He could sense the anticipation from Robert, looking forward to a couple of days together, alone. Away from the rest of the world, that just wasn’t what Aaron had planned. He wanted to confront Robert somewhere he couldn’t run away from, talk to him when he couldn’t squirm his way out of it.

Robert arrived, late. Which made Aaron’s already dark mood even worse. “Come on, I’m sorry I’m late,” Robert said, trying to soften Aaron up. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“Right, ignoring the fact I know you too well for that lie to work, you do remember that I can feel you here,” Robert said, tapping his temple. “Talk to me.”

“What I want to talk about, you don’t want to hear,” Aaron said.

“Try me,” Robert said. “This is time for us, what’s the point if you’re just going to…”

“You tried to kill Paddy.” The look on Robert’s face was totally shocked. Then he tried to cover it up.

“What? No, I don’t…”

“Stop lying to me!” Aaron snapped. “I know you did!”

“I…”

“And you threatened Leo! A kid with Downs, oh yeah, I’m sure that’s defensible too.”

“Aaron… would you just…”

“No!” Aaron shouted. “How could you? How would Paddy have…”

“I didn’t want to kill him,” Robert said. “I just wanted to scare him, I turned the grain machine off and…”

“This just gets better and better,” Aaron muttered under his breath. “And that makes it okay, does it?”

“He was going to tell Chrissie!” Robert shouted. “He threatened to and I knew he was going to tell her so…”

“So obviously the logical decision is to kill him isn't it!” Aaron shouted. “God, Robert, I have no idea who you are do I?”

“Of course you know me!” Robert said. Apparently that was the thing that most offended him.

“Did you kill Katie?”

“What?” Robert asked, his face paling and Aaron could feel it all beginning to unravel. He could feel the fear in him.

“Did you kill her?” Aaron repeated.

“How can you even ask me that!”

“That’s not an answer,” Aaron said. “Did you talk her down, and she fell? Or did you push her to solve a problem?" Robert was silent, though he looked incredibly uncomfortable, and felt it.

“She threatened to tell Chrissie too,” Aaron said. “Is all of this just so no one will find out you’re gay?”

“I’m not gay!” Robert shouted.

“Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t call Chrissie right now?” Aaron asked, digging his phone out of his jeans.

“No!” Robert started struggling with him, both of them trying to get the phone first. Aaron felt a pain through the back of his head, and he blacked out.

Aaron’s body went limp and Robert wasn’t really aware of what had happened. Until he heard the glass falling to the floor, the blood red on the back of Aaron’s head. Robert panicked, feeling at Aaron’s neck in desperation. The relief when he felt a pulse, steady and regular was so potent he could almost taste it. But he couldn’t allow Aaron to tell Chrissie, it couldn’t happen. It would destroy everything. What he did next… well, that didn’t really include rational thought.

* * *

Aaron came around slowly. His head felt groggy and it took a good minute to re-orientate himself to where he was and what happened. He remembered something hitting him over the head, and now he was here. Aaron tried to move and realised he couldn’t. What the… he was tied up. He was sat on the floor of the lodge, hands tied in front of him, and a gag in his mouth. Ah, that would explain the fog in his head, and he bit down on it, tasting his own blood. It was dark outside, dusk maybe. How long had he been unconscious? Enough for Robert to tie him up anyway. He saw Robert in his eye line, perched on the edge of the bed, watching him. He didn’t speak, and Aaron couldn’t. But that didn’t stop him using the connection.

“ _Why’re you doing this?_ ” Aaron asked, putting his focus into the question to make sure Robert could hear him.

“I can’t lose everything and you won’t listen,” Robert said, speaking out loud. He didn’t say anything further, leaving the cabin and Aaron started to panic. How long would he be left here, tied up and alone. He probably had a concussion, being out of it that long, and Robert thought this was completely reasonable behaviour? If it wasn’t for the terror Aaron could feel in his own chest, a fear that didn’t belong to him alone, Aaron would think Robert had completely lost it.

* * *

Robert returned in the morning. Aaron had been drifting in and out of sleep for a while, it not being the most comfortable place to try and rest. When he heard Robert’s footsteps, he glared at that man. _How dare he think he can just leave me here all night_ , Aaron thought. Robert sat next to him, his jaw set, his mind distant. For the first time in months, Aaron had no idea how to read him, and that scared him more than being left all night, tied up, scared and alone. Robert tugged the gag free and Aaron winced as he felt the dried blood tug against the side of his face as it came free.

“What now?” Aaron asked. “You left me tied up all night… for what? Think I’m going to magically change my mind?”

“I haven’t slept,” Robert said.

“Because I had a great night,” Aaron said sarcastically. “You trying to scare me? What are you trying to achieve?”

“I can’t let you ruin it all,” Robert said. “I’ve worked very hard to get to this position, I can’t let it go.”

"So this is all about money," Aaron said, disappointed. "How, after everything, how is that all you care about?"

"It's not all I care about," Robert said. "Because that would be easy. This was never easy with you, Aaron."

“Maybe you should have thought about that before jumping into bed with the first guy to look at you,” Aaron said. He shook his head slightly. “If it wasn’t me, it’d be someone else. You know that.”

“It wouldn’t have lasted this long,” Robert said dismissively. “It’s the match that’s making this happen. That goes away, then everything else is solved.” Aaron suddenly realised what Robert meant when he got a pen knife out of his pocket and flicked the blade open. He wanted to break it.

“No,” Aaron said. “This won’t change anything at all. No!”

“It has to end,” Robert said. “You can see that.” Now Aaron understood the distance from their match. Robert wanted it to end. He was taking the decision to end their match without even taking Aaron’s opinion into account. He didn't matter, anything to save Robert's precious reputation.

“You can’t, I’m not going to let you,” Aaron breathed as Robert tried to wrestle with him, pushing him on his front and lifting his shirt so he could see the small of his back. Had Aaron not been tied up and exhausted from the broken nights sleep, Robert wouldn’t have been able to overpower him so easily. But Aaron was tired. And if Robert hated being his soul mate so much, why would Aaron even want to be connected to him? That was the logical way to look at it. But for Aaron, logic didn't even touch how he felt.

Aaron could move if he wanted to, he wasn’t totally immobilised, but he wanted to push Robert. If Robert found this match between them so abhorrent, he’d have to be the one to do something about it.

“Do it, then,” Aaron grunted at him. He didn’t like facing away from Robert, especially when the man had a knife and was feeling so utterly desperate, but if Robert wanted to break this soul match, that was his choice. No matter how much Aaron disagreed with him. Aaron gasped when he felt the tip of the knife on the right hand side of his back, probably an inch away from the number. It felt like it was breaking the skin and Aaron tried to keep his breathing even. “If you’re going to do it, then do it!” Aaron shouted, hating the anticipation. Robert was panicking, Aaron could feel it in his mind. He wondered how it would feel when those links were cut. When he’d have to rely on reading Robert’s body language, the mask he used to cover his words. Who was he kidding, a matched couple would never work once it was broken. And he still wanted Robert, God help him. Even through all this, what the hell was wrong with him??

“I… I… I can’t,” Robert almost sobbed, the sharp tip of the knife leaving Aaron’s skin. Aaron flipped himself over, even with his hands bound and looked at Robert, the tears falling, his face almost crumpled in on itself. He looked broken, and Aaron had no sympathy for him.

“What is it that frightens you so much?” Aaron asked, realising Robert’s irrational behaviour came almost entirely from fear or some kind of breakdown. “That you’re in love with a man? That you’re matched with a man? That you don’t love your wife? That your marriage will end? What?”

“My marriage won’t end,” Robert said stubbornly.

“It will,” Aaron said. “I’ll make sure it will, you’ve used me for too long.” Maybe he pushed too far because Robert got up and left the cabin without a word. Aaron stared at the ceiling, listening to Robert get something from the car. He came back in and Aaron froze. He was holding a handgun. Where the hell had he got that from, flashed through Aaron’s mind. Followed by complete and total paralysing fear.

Robert was desperate, and now armed. That wasn’t a combination Aaron fancied his chances against.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am using a few lines from the actual script during the 2015 reveal episodes, but I hope it flows okay anyway. Thank you for being patient!!

“What’re you doing?” Aaron asked. He wasn’t tied to anything, but with his wrists still bound and Robert holding a gun he was too scared to actually move.

“This is… I need…”

“Robert!” Aaron shouted trying to wake him up from whatever stupor he was in. He held the gun up and Aaron felt the fear from them both. Aaron knew that he didn’t want to die, he wasn’t done yet. He wanted to live, he had so much he wanted to do. Which he found ironic, what with how… lax he‘d been about staying alive in the past. “Killing me won’t fix the problem.”

“Yeah, it will,” Robert said. “This… we’re only like this because we’re matched.”

“You can’t break our match, but you think you’ve got it in you to kill me?” Aaron asked in disbelief.

“The match is making things complicated,” Robert said, shaking his head though the gun was pointing at him steadily.

“Were you telling yourself that the first time you tore my clothes off?” Aaron asked. “I’m not the first man you’ve been with. I won’t be the last.”

“Aaron!” Robert shouted and the gun was wavering slightly.

“How much do you think it would hurt?” Aaron asked. “And I’m not talking about me, I’m talking about you. You felt it when I broke my ankle. How much will you feel if you put a bullet in my brain?”

“Stop it,” Robert said, clenching his jaw.

“Would it kill part of you?” Aaron said, pushing him. “I wonder. Would you be the same? Part of you’s with me, so what would happen after?”

“Stop it, you’re not helping!” Robert snapped. Aaron looked at him levelly and felt how afraid Robert truly was. He could lash out and shoot first, think later and Aaron was terrified of that.

“I have killed someone, Robert,” Aaron said. “It’s not as easy as you’d like it to be. You don’t have it in you!”

The door opened and the gun went off, leaving Aaron gasping for breath as they both watched Paddy collapse onto the floor, groaning as the bullet had clearly hit him. “Robert!” Aaron shouted. “What have you done?!”

“I…” Robert dropped the gun, breathing heavily as he looked at Paddy. He hadn’t meant to shoot him, Aaron knew that. But that didn’t change anything at all, and Aaron could see Paddy had blacked out for a few moments.

“Untie me,” Aaron demanded, and Robert completely ignored him. “Robert! Don’t make this any worse!!”

* * *

Robert was pulled back from the brink. He seemed to see some kind of sense, and he patched Paddy up and let Aaron go. He’d totally lost it, even the feelings he was going through hadn’t made much sense to Aaron. He was all over the place, and Aaron knew it was only going to get worse. If Robert didn’t want to break their match, Aaron knew he didn’t have it in him to do it either. Which left him stuffed.

“What are you going to do?” Paddy asked him in the car. “Robert’s psychotic.”

“He isn’t,” Aaron said, leaning against the seat of the car, completely exhausted.

“Aaron!”

“No, he isn’t,” Aaron insisted. “His actions may not make a lot of sense, but I know he’s not lost it. He just doesn’t want to lose the precious life he’s built for himself.”

“What’re you going to do?” Paddy repeated.

“What can I do?” Aaron said, defeated.

“You can’t keep…”

“Seeing him, I know,” Aaron said. “I know I can’t, but I don’t have it in me to break our match either.”

“You could,” Paddy said but Aaron shook his head.

“Robert threatened to,” Aaron said. “He even held a knife to my number and he couldn’t do it. We both feel too much, it’s so hard to break it, Paddy. You don’t understand, you can’t.”

“It’s no excuse for doing this.”

“No,” Aaron agreed. “It isn’t.” Aaron sighed and turned the engine on. Due to Paddy’s injured arm, Aaron was driving. He had a plan, it just wasn’t one he was going to confide in to Paddy.

* * *

Aaron had a shower to get the blood off him, and he thought about catching up on some sleep, but couldn’t do it. He couldn't switch his mind off to get any rest, and he seemed tuned in to Robert's emotions too. He was still scared, but right now that didn't mean Aaron felt any sympathy for him. So instead, he braced himself, and went up to Home Farm. He knew what he had to do, he had to tell Chrissie. It was arguably the only way he could lose Robert’s hold on him. And he wasn’t going to let him get away with everything Robert had done. He couldn’t.

 _“What are you doing?”_ Robert asked him as he got nearer the house. Aaron completely ignored that, determined, and he opened the door to the kitchen. It happened to be unlocked, and he waited. Robert knew he was here, but that wasn’t who Aaron was waiting for. He was absolutely sure Robert was trying to head Chrissie off. It didn’t work, Chrissie came into the kitchen after about five minutes, and Aaron braced himself for it. She gasped, but put on a friendly smile on her face.

“Hi, Aaron,” she said. “You’re after Robert I assume?” He frowned at her, and then realised she meant some scrap yard business. Of course she did.

“No, I want to talk to you.”

 _“Keep your mouth shut!!_ ” Robert said through their link as he came into the kitchen to stand next to Chrissie.

“Robert was having an affair,” Aaron said bluntly, feeling his heart racing rather harder than it probably should be. “You weren’t going mad.” Chrissie sighed and she didn’t believe him, Aaron could tell. “It was with me,” Aaron said. That did at least stop her, whatever it was she was about to say. “Robert was having an affair with me.”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” she said, spluttering, trying to escape from this conversation. “Stop it, stop spouting your filthy lies.”

“Look at him, Chrissie,” Aaron said. “Just look at him and you can see he's lying. Why would I be here, admitting to an affair that never happened?” Chrissie turned to look at Robert and it was clear she was doubting him. “I can tell you when we met, where we met, where _you_ were, what excuse he gave you, I know everything.”

“What… just leave,” Chrissie said, seeming exasperated and annoyed.

“Why would he send you all off on a nice little holiday and stay here on his own over Easter?” Aaron asked. “Because he wanted to be with me!”

“Aaron, shut up!” Robert shouted, and Chrissie looked at him, obvious she didn’t know who to believe.

“Do you really need me to go into graphic detail?” Aaron asked, it becoming more and more apparent why she was so easy for Robert to lie to. Aaron reached for the hem of his hoodie, intending on showing her his number, because if that didn’t get the truth through to her, nothing would.

“Don’t you dare!” Robert hissed at him. Aaron frowned, why would he want that kept quiet? What did it matter? Chrissie was already matched, so why did Robert and him sharing a link matter so much to Robert to keep it quiet? Aaron didn't understand.

“Why?” Aaron asked. “Afraid she’ll believe me?”

“Robert, tell me he’s lying,” Chrissie said, finally seeming to see sense. “He’s not really…”

“He’s been playing you since before you were even married,” Aaron said, and Robert hated him in that moment, Aaron could feel it coming off him in waves. Good. Because Aaron had had moments that he loathed Robert too.

“Oh, my God,” Chrissie said, and Aaron felt a brief stab of guilt for doing this to her. Robert cheating wasn’t her fault after all. “All those… meetings you had, all those contacts that never came to anything. And you were with him?!” she shrieked at Robert.

“Why?” Robert asked Aaron in disbelief. “Why tell her?”

“Oh, I’m just meant to stand here and listen to the two of you arguing about what I should know when, am I?!” Chrissie shouted.

“You can’t treat people like dirt and expect them to just lie there and take it,” Aaron said to Robert. “I’m going to leave you to it. Enjoy your mess.” Aaron walked out and Robert was finding it hard to breathe.

“Get out,” Chrissie said, her voice deathly quiet. 

“Chrissie, just…” he started desperately, but she wasn’t having it. She screamed at him, and Robert left. He’d talk to her once she’d calmed down. He couldn't believe Aaron had blown the affair, after everything they'd been through. Why would he do it? Robert asked himself. _Because you pushed me too far._ Aaron's voice echoing in his head.

 


	18. Chapter 18

Robert was in the back room having a conversation with Diane, Aaron propping up the bar. It hadn’t yet become common knowledge in the village, but it would do soon. Is that why Robert hadn’t wanted Chrissie to know they were matched? It seemed like an odd thing to hold back. Aaron didn’t know and he wouldn’t ask either. Or not yet.

And then Chrissie came in. Aaron flinched and could almost see the scene unfolding from a distance. He knew what would happen, and he called Robert’s name through their link. Robert appeared through the bar and then Chrissie shouted it and Aaron could feel Robert’s embarrassment. And shame. What was that for, being with a man, or having an affair? Aaron didn’t care to find out, and he himself felt a little embarrassed by the whole village knowing his private business because the wronged woman was shouting about it. Aaron left the pub, but Adam followed him.

“What…?” Adam started.

“Yeah, it’s true, I don’t need the lecture,” Aaron said briefly.

“Why?!”

“Don’t,” Aaron said. “Just… don’t.”

“You and Robert, why?”

“Because I wanted to,” Aaron said, before walking off. Or at least trying to.

“What about the scrap yard?!” Adam shouted. “It’s his money, he could pull it and…”

“He won’t,” Aaron said, knowing that hadn’t entered Robert’s mind. That money was long since spent and gone.

“It’s our business Aaron!”

“Oh, just leave it alone,” Aaron snapped, having had enough. “You know as well as I do that you can’t help who you fall for. It’s over.” Adam let him go.

* * *

“I want to talk to you.”

“Well, I don’t want to talk to you,” Aaron said, being more violent than was strictly necessary with the car he was stripping. He was doing his best to ignore Robert, but the git was stubborn and didn't leave.

“Why did you tell her?” Robert asked. Aaron dropped the twisted lump of metal in his hands to the ground and looked at Robert.

“You’re seriously asking me that?” Aaron said. “You held a gun to my head and it was only luck that means Paddy’s still alive.”

“You shouldn’t have outed me,” Robert said. Aaron felt a prickle of guilt, because he knew damn well that was true.

“No,” Aaron said. “I shouldn’t. But you shouldn’t have had an affair behind your wife’s back, you shouldn’t have tried to kill Paddy twice, you shouldn’t have killed Katie!”

“Katie was an accident!” Robert shouted. “You shouldn’t have…”

“No, I shouldn’t!” Aaron shouted. “I snapped! Having a gun held to my head by my match doesn’t exactly lead to rational thinking, Robert!” Robert breathed in and out heavily, trying to calm down.

“You’re right,” Robert said. “That was wrong. But you have torn my life down around me.”

“If you hate me so much, why didn’t you let her know about this?” Aaron lifted his shirt up and touched his number without turning around. Robert knew what he meant.

“It’s none of her business,” Robert said. “And you were already hurting her, I didn’t want to make it worse.” Aaron knew he was lying, he could tell.

“I don’t think that’s the reason, Robert.” He was ignored and Robert turned around, getting in his car and leaving.

* * *

Apparently Aaron’s trials for the day weren’t over. He walked through to the back room of the pub and found Chrissie sitting on the sofa, the image so jarring to him that he stopped and stared.

“Anyone know you’re here?” Aaron asked.

“Why?” Chrissie said. “Thought sneaking in to other peoples houses was your speciality?” Aaron didn’t bite, he probably deserved that.

“What do you want?” Aaron said. “I’ve got nothing more left to say.”

“Well, I’ve got plenty,” Chrissie said. “And you owe me.” Aaron stayed silent, and raised his eyebrows inviting her to go on.

“Why?” Chrissie asked. “Just tell me why.” Aaron looked down at the ground. She deserved an answer, for the right or the wrong of it, he’d been sleeping with her husband their entire marriage. That did not make him the good guy here.

“I couldn’t help myself.”

“Oh, come on, Aaron,” she said, trying to push him. “That’s not a reason! I know Robert, I know he’s a scheming manipulator. I’ve known him years, I know what he’s like. But you? Why would you do it?”

“Because I wanted to,” Aaron said. It wasn’t a good reason, it didn’t even make sense to Aaron half the time. He wasn’t the kind of man to go after someone who was engaged, before he’d even touched Robert he wanted him. And knowing he was married, or about to be, hadn’t stopped the want, the need he felt for Robert under his skin, like an itch waiting to be scratched.

“I’m sorry it had to be me telling you. It should have come from him,” Aaron said.

“Why did you carry on?”

“You said you knew what he was like,” Aaron said and Chrissie did smile at that, though it was clear it was against her better judgement.

“How many people knew?” Chrissie asked. “How many people were laughing about me behind my back?”

“Chrissie…”

“I need to know!” she shouted.

“My mum knew,” Aaron said. “And Paddy. And that was it. Unless Robert told someone but I think we both know that’s extremely unlikely.” Chrissie nodded at that.

“Did Katie know?”

“I don’t know,” Aaron lied. He was so used to having his lies completely disbelieved by Robert that the way she accepted this was a bit of a shock to him. With Robert he couldn’t outright lie, they shared a match, and on top of that Robert could read him so well, read his body language, the things he wasn’t saying.

“Just stay away from me, think you can do that?” Aaron nodded and she left, leaving Aaron feeling if possible, even cheaper than he had before.

* * *

Time passed. Debbie’s wedding was coming up, and Aaron decided to focus on something other than his own tragic love life. He could still feel the connection with Robert, but neither of them were exploiting it. They were both trying to ignore it, because it wasn’t doing them any good. Aaron also hadn’t seen Robert since the affair came out. Not more than him drinking in the pub anyway. He got occasional flashes of what Robert was thinking and feeling, but none of it was intentional, and in fact it was starting to feel irritating. Especially as Aaron assumed Robert could feel flashes of his own emotions that he wanted kept private.

That was until the day of Debbie’s wedding. Aaron was fully distracted from his own life, at the reception for the first time in weeks. A tape had been played basically revealing Debbie’s affair with Ross and then Aaron heard it in his head. A loud, piercing shout from Robert, full of fear and terror, his voice echoing in his mind.

**_“Get out now!!!!”_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to all those who are sticking with this!!


	19. Chapter 19

Aaron didn’t understand, he’d not heard Robert clearly for weeks.

_“Why?”_

_“Trust me. Get out!!”_

Aaron decided not to question it. For Robert to so loudly shout for him, it had to mean something. So he headed towards the door. And then the roof caved in, a mess of noise and dust and destruction as the building collapsed around him.

Aaron wondered if he blacked out for a moment. Or a few, as when he came to, he started coughing up his lungs unable to see which way was up through the darkness and the rubble, and he didn‘t quite remember what happened. That, and hearing his name being called by two different people. His mum distantly, and Robert, the latter’s shouting reverberating in his mind, the loudest shout Aaron had heard from him, driving him to distraction.

“ _I’m here,_ ” Aaron said, trying to shut Robert out, it really wasn’t helping his focus.

_“I saw it, are you okay?”_

_“Not sure.”_

_“Is Vic okay?!”_

_“Robert, I can’t see anything except dust!_ ” Aaron snapped through their match. Robert went quiet and Aaron shifted, trying to break free of the rubble, focusing on the shouting he could hear with his ears, not his mind.

“Aaron!” He heard his mum and she wrapped him in an almost bone crushing hug. Aaron became aware his right upper arm was hurting, something torn through his muscle.

“What the…” he looked up and saw the tail of a helicopter hanging through the village hall roof. It took him a good ten seconds to actually comprehend what he was seeing. He saw blonde hair and groaning, recognising Vic under some rubble. He went to her instantly, pulling her out and ignoring her coughing.

“Are you all right?!” he asked quickly.

“Yeah, I think so.”

“Good, Robert’s worried.” He shouldn’t have said that, didn’t know where it came from, but as soon as the words were out, he knew he’d regret that one. Vic didn’t pick up on it at the moment, but she was too intelligent to let it lie for long, and Aaron could have kicked himself, as he pushed her out of the wreck of the hall.

Outside, Aaron gasped in lung fulls of fresh air, and then Robert appeared in front of him. He hugged Vic, but over his shoulder, he was looking at Aaron, eyes running over him as if making sure he was in one piece. Vic let him go, moving to find Adam and Robert stared at Aaron.

“Your arm hurts,” Robert said, a statement, not a question.

“You feel it?” Aaron asked. Robert nodded, before reaching out, holding his elbow and having a look at it.

“Aaron!” Chas shouted, which made Robert drop his arm instantly. “We can’t find Debbie!”

“You’re not going back in there,” Robert said, looking at the mess of the building, like it was obvious. "You can't!"

“I have to,” Aaron said, turning away.

“ _Aaron!_ ” He ignored Robert’s shout and went back into the village hall, though he could feel Robert’s worry at the edges of his mind. That worry didn’t go away for the couple of hours it took to get everyone out, go to the hospital, and for Aaron to get his arm stitched up.

* * *

They were all waiting in the hospital for news on Debbie, and Aaron felt tired, like he was about to slip into sleep. That was when Robert turned up, and Chas huffed at him.

“Mum, don’t,” Aaron said tiredly. He nodded to Robert and they moved away from the mess of the Dingles down a hallway.

“How are you?” Robert asked, hand skimming over Aaron’s injured arm. Aaron pulled away, not enjoying the spark of want that went through him at Robert’s touch.

“It’ll heal.”

“Good,” Robert said. “Well, I just…”

“How did you know?” Aaron asked. Robert looked blank. “About the helicopter. You told me to get out, you screamed it at me. Which meant you knew before everyone else, how?” Robert looked uncomfortable which just made Aaron even more convinced something was wrong. “You bastard.”

“It wasn’t me.”

“Three people are dead!” Aaron hissed.

“Aaron, will you just listen…” Robert started. Aaron breathed in heavily, but waited. “I was up at the scrap yard and Chrissie came in to the cabin. We argued and she ended up setting my car on fire.”

“Oh, that must have hurt,” Aaron said sarcastically. “Now why didn’t I think of that?”

“Aaron,” Robert said tiredly. “The fire made one of those barrels explode. And it hit the helicopter, which spun out of control and…”

“Hit the village hall,” Aaron said, sighing before pinching the bridge of his nose. ”Every time things get bad, you always find a way to make it worse.”

“This isn’t my fault,” Robert said.

“Never is.”

“I didn’t light the fire!” Robert snapped. “I know all roads lead to Robert, but this isn’t my fault. Any more than it is yours.”

“What are you talking about?” Aaron asked after a beat of silence.

“If it’s all my fault because I cheated on my wife,” Robert said. “How guilty does that make you?”

“Don’t talk to me,” Aaron said, giving Robert a shove for good measure.

* * *

 

Time passed. Robert moved in with Vic, a lack of other options making it the obvious choice.

“Robert, I want to talk to you,” she said one morning.

“If we’re going in depth into anything, I might need a whisky first,” Robert said, though he sat opposite her at the kitchen table.

“Aaron said something to me during the crash... that… made me wonder,” Vic said.

“I don’t have the time or the inclination to talk about him,” Robert said heavily.

“He said you were worried about me,” Vic said.

“Right, when?” Robert asked.

“When he was getting me out of the village hall,” Vic continued. “He said “Robert’s worried about you.””

“That’s just… he knows you’re my sister, why wouldn’t I be worried about you?” Robert said.

“He didn’t say it like that. He said it like… like he _knew_ , without a shadow of a doubt.”

“Vic, what are you getting at?” Robert said, though he had a sneaking suspicion he knew exactly what she meant.

“Why couldn’t you give him up?” Vic asked. “When you were having an affair, you knew it would cost you Chrissie and yet…”

“Vic, it’s complicated,” Robert said, trying to avoid the subject.

“Can I try something?” Vic asked. Robert just looked at her and Vic moved to his side, trying to lift up the hem of his shirt.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?!” Robert asked.

“Reminding myself,” Vic said, though Robert dodged out of her grasp.

“Vic, you’re my sister but you are _**not** _ looking at my number!”

“Why?” she said. “You’ve seen mine.”

“You’re my kid sister!” Robert snapped. “Occasionally I have seen yours, it doesn’t mean anything!!”

“Are you matched with Aaron?”

“I’m late for work.” Robert got up and left, hurriedly grabbing his jacket.

Vic noticed that that wasn’t an answer.

 


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got it done!! Phew! Sorry for the delay, I'm moving onto the shooting now, so all canon reliant warnings apply here. Enjoy!

 

“God, you’re like the bad penny,” Aaron grumbled, clearly unhappy as Robert walked into the back room of the pub. “You just won’t go away.”

“Aaron…”

“What?” Aaron asked.

“It wasn’t your fault. The helicopter crash.”

“I know,” Aaron said.

“Look, I’m…”

“What do you want from me?” Aaron asked. “Still slinking around Home Farm, I know you are. So, what do you want?”

“I’m going away for a bit,” Robert said. “Work. So if you can’t feel this…” his hand went to the base of Aaron’s spine, but he moved away as quickly as he could. Robert didn’t touch him and his face fell with disappointment.

“If you can’t feel the match, that’ll be why.”

“Fine,” Aaron said. “Don’t let me keep you.” He was being harsh, he knew that. But he also couldn’t stop. Robert was an arse 99% of the time. It was just that other 1% that Aaron couldn’t help but care about. Though he was glad Robert had told him, he’d have been worried had their match suddenly gone completely silent.

Robert had only been gone about five minutes when Vic came in, wearing her chef whites. “I’ve been meaning to talk to you,” she said. “Are you… is Robert your match?”

“No,” Aaron said, a habit. “And you shouldn’t ask, no one ever taught you to be polite?” he snapped, more than a bit hacked off.

“I have slept with you,” Vic said, and Aaron sighed. Clearly this wasn’t a conversation he was getting out of quickly. “I’ve seen your number, you know.”

“But you clearly don’t remember,” Aaron said. “Or you wouldn’t be asking. **_Why_ ** are you asking?”

“Robert’s damaged. He’s damaged, and he’s self destructive. But he’s not a bad man, you know?”

“I do know,” Aaron said, before he could stop himself. Vic’s face lit up with triumph. Aaron knew it was pointless to deny it, though his entire instinct was exactly that. You didn’t admit this, it was intensely private.

“I will find out,” Vic said, sitting opposite him, her voice much calmer. “Sooner or later, I will find out, he‘s my brother.”

“I don’t want people knowing, Vic,” Aaron said, giving up. “Out of all the people in the world, would you choose for your soul mate to be Robert Sugden?”

“Well… that’s a fair point,” she said. “But I know you, Aaron. You never picked the easy way if there were any other option.”

“Mm,” Aaron agreed. “It needs to be private,” he added. “Please, don’t tell anyone.”

“I won’t,” Vic said. “But… what’s it like? Is it as good as they say?”

“It’s better,” Aaron said. “And it's worse. All at the same time.”

“What do you mean?” Vic asked.

“There’s more to Robert than what he shows, I know that,” Aaron said. “I can see it, I can feel it. But not all that… more is good.”

“Aaron…” Vic said. “You could break it.”

“I could,” Aaron said. “I probably should, but somehow I don’t want to.” Vic said nothing, just smiled sadly, squeezed his hand and left.

* * *

For about two days, Aaron enjoyed the relief. He enjoyed not being able to feel Robert, to get unconnected rushes of emotion through his mind whenever Robert felt something. It felt so freeing and like he was back to normal. Then after that, Aaron started to feel the loss, felt like he was missing something fundamental to his life. It wasn’t like he was losing a part of himself, when they’d connected, it had felt like his brain was expanding, rather than Robert taking over something that already existed. And Aaron felt the gap there. He couldn’t feel that thread of consciousness that connected him to another person, he couldn’t check in with him, and he missed that so much. More than he thought he would. A sixth sense that he’d suddenly inexplicably lost.

When Robert returned, Aaron didn’t need the text or the phone call. He could feel him again, and the unwanted surge of relief that Robert was okay, that he was alive and well. He hadn’t wanted to feel that, and yet he did. Maybe... breaking their soul match was no longer an option for him.

* * *

The next time Aaron saw Robert was a couple of weeks later, Robert was throwing verbal knives at him. Aaron was busy at the scrap yard when Robert appeared, vicious and lashing out. Aaron knew that, didn’t understand the reason why. And it also didn’t stop those words cutting through Aaron like a damn knife.

Aaron snapped. He shouldn’t have, he knew that, but God Robert just knew how to push every button he had. Robert was unprepared for it. Aaron physically had the upper hand, simply because Robert wasn’t ready, Aaron wrestling him to the ground, not caring about the scrapes the gravel was giving them, not caring about anything but having Robert right where he needed him.

“I’m nothing, am I?” Aaron said through gritted teeth. “Then why does this matter?!” He pushed his fingertips over Robert’s number. He’d seen it so often, the digits were behind his eyelids as he moved over each number slowly, drawing it out. Robert moaned, feeling the rush of emotions, all of them right at the surface, unable to help it, unable to hold them back. Love, hate, anger, want, need, desperate loneliness. That was new, Aaron noted. Robert bucked, trying to get Aaron off him, and the movement broke the contact, bringing Aaron back to himself. Realising where Robert had pushed him to...

“Don’t you ever touch me again!” Robert hissed, almost throwing Aaron from him, beyond angry now. Aaron shouldn’t have done that, he knew. It was a betrayal of trust, to do that, to make Robert feel emotions he wasn’t prepared for. Aaron let Robert walk away, able to feel the thrum of anger in his temples, anger they both shared.

 _“I mean nothing do I?”_ Aaron asked him. Robert ignored him, driving away.

* * *

 

Aaron stood outside the pub that night, needing some of the cool night air to bring him back to his senses. Robert had shaken him this morning. Actually, it was his own behaviour that worried him more. He shouldn’t have done that, allowed his palm to find that patch of skin that changed everything, and he had. He needed to stop, being with Robert or hoping for him at the very least… It was tearing him apart. He’d just come to that conclusion when something happened he hadn’t expected.

Aaron’s chest exploded in sudden, instant pain. He couldn’t catch his breath through the burning tearing through his lungs. He fell to his knees, the wet ground seeping through his jeans, as he still couldn’t breathe.

“I… oh, God,” Aaron gasped. He pushed his T shirt out of the way, trying to feel for a physical pain in his chest, his skin, something to explain the shock to his system, but he couldn’t find anything. _Robert_. The thought came solidly into his mind, and he moved, slower than usual because he was in absolute agony, radiating out from his chest. He could also hear screaming and he followed it until…

He saw Robert lying on the concrete, Chas in front of him blathering.

“…what… happened?!” Aaron breathed, trying to brace himself against the pain.

“He’s been shot!” Chas gasped. Aaron half fell to his knees yet again, the pain blinding, pushing on the wound of Robert’s chest, whether to try and keep him alive, or to stop the pain going through Aaron’s own body, he didn’t know. It didn’t have an effect on Aaron, but Robert winced. He was still conscious. Ah. That explained the pain, then.

“Please pass out,” Aaron whispered, unaware he was speaking.

“You… hurt?” Robert breathed.

“Yeah,” Aaron said.

 _“Break it…”_ Robert said, using their connection, staring at Aaron dead on, and Aaron knew exactly what he meant. _“You could… before…”_

“Robert, just…” Aaron had no idea what he was going to say, Robert’s eyes closed, but the pain didn’t dull. He must still be conscious, and Aaron felt a tugging on the back of his hoodie. His mum was pulling him away, and Dan had taken over compressions on Robert’s chest. Aaron could physically feel the thump against his own ribcage, and God it hurt. It took another sixty seconds for Robert to lose his grip on consciousness. Aaron gasped in relief. He could feel the dull throb of it, but the burning in his lungs had stopped. Thank God. He dragged the air back into his body, aware now that Chas was watching him.

“I’m okay,” Aaron said, trying to reassure her. “I can breathe now.” Chas’s eyes flicked to Robert and it was clear she’d made the link why Aaron was in pain. Aaron kept a hand over his heart, an instinct to try and soothe the pressure while he watched the paramedics approach Robert. Aaron was aware that he was being watched, and knew that Harriet and Bob at least had clocked his entirely out of place reaction. And then the police were there, Chas was shaking, and Aaron lost track. All he could focus on was the dull throbbing in his chest. What would it feel like if Robert actually died? But at least the pain let him know he hadn’t died yet. Something to hold onto.


	21. Chapter 21

The police were questioning Chas in the back room of the pub, and Aaron was trying to focus. He genuinely was, he needed to protect his mum, she was the one standing in front of Robert when he’d been shot after all, but… the adrenaline was wearing off and he could feel Robert’s pain. It wasn’t as bad as when Robert had been shot, and the distance from here to Hotten general was certainly helping, but Aaron still couldn’t focus properly. The police left and Aaron sighed, before going to the kitchen, trying to find a damn painkiller, take the edge off. He could feel himself sweating, trying to pretend everything was fine.

“Oi!” Cain hissed at him. “What the hell is wrong with you? Do you want the police to think you’re guilty?!”

“I need sleep,” Aaron said. “I can’t think properly.”

“Aaron!”

“Leave him alone,” Chas said. “He’s not thinking clearly.”

“I’m sure the cops will buy that excuse,” Cain said. “Sugden is…”

“Just don’t!” Aaron shouted, having had enough. “Do you know what being shot feels like?! How it feels to feel the bullet just...”

“Aaron…” Chas said softly. “Don’t take too many of them,” she added as Aaron necked the pills. Aaron shrugged and went upstairs, having reached his limit.

“What is it with him?” Cain asked. Chas sighed, but then decided to tell him. Bob had seen and put it together, she‘d been able to tell. And Harriet was there and Dan. People weren’t entirely stupid, and Aaron’s behaviour just needed some kind of explanation. Chas also had a sneaking suspicion that Vic knew about the match. And Paddy. It was too late, it was getting out to become public knowledge. What was one more, really?

“He can feel it,” Chas said. “He feels like he’s been shot, because he and Robert… they’re…” Chas tried again. “Aaron’s matched to him. He can feel everything, and…”

“This is a wind up, right?” Cain said. “He can’t be matched to _Sugden_. Come off it.”

“Well, while you debate that,” Chas said. “I’ve been dealing with Aaron for months like this.”

“That would be... terrible for him,” Cain said. “That’s such a mistake.”

“Yes,” Chas agreed. “But you can’t tell him, I’ve tried.”

“Are you all right?” Cain asked, seeing that Chas was a bit shaky and certainly not herself, deciding to leave the Aaron Robert situation for tomorrow.

* * *

Aaron woke up at around midday, feeling dozy and out of it, but not in as much pain as yesterday. _Robert_. Aaron couldn’t help but ask, reaching out through their minds, but it was blank, fuzzy. Just… empty. There was an aching throb in his chest, but it was manageable. Much, much better than yesterday. He dressed and found Vic in the back room.

“How is he?” Aaron asked.

“Do you even care?!” she snapped. “He could be lying in the morgue right now and…”

“Trust me, he’s not dead,” Aaron said, almost completely sure that he’d have woken up in a much different state this morning.

“Oh, you’re clairvoyant now are you?” Vic said.

“How is he?!” Aaron almost shouted.

“The surgeons got the bullet out, but they’re not sure if he’s going to come around or not,” Vic said. “It was very close to the heart, and he’s in an induced coma.”

“Thank you,” Aaron said sarcastically. 

“Did you…” Vic started. “How did it feel for you?”

“Oh, you know, all the fun of being shot, none of the long term damage,” Aaron said, making himself a mug of tea. Vic simply glared at him. “It felt like I was shot,” Aaron added simply. “My chest, I could… God.” Aaron rubbed his temples hard. He didn’t want to relive it, it was still too raw. He could still feel the throbbing in his chest, it was just less painful than before.

“How’s it going to feel for you if he dies?” Vic asked. Aaron ignored that because he didn’t want to know.

* * *

 

Aaron had managed to get into Robert’s hospital room. All he’d had to do was wait until the nurses were otherwise occupied and he was able to get in. Realistically the police should probably have a guy on the door, considering the shooter hadn’t finished Robert off. But Aaron wasn’t complaining, he wanted to see the state Robert was in. Aaron looked around the room, hearing the regular beep of the machines. It actually surprised Aaron, Robert looked so small, almost harmless.

“Why do you do it?” Aaron asked. “Why do you push people on and on and on? You must have known someone would fight back.” Aaron sighed, and shook his head. “I hate you. You know that? I _hate_ you. You do nothing to make anyone’s life easier. You should do everyone a favour and drop dead.” There was no reaction, though he hadn’t really expected there to be one.

“Failing that…” Aaron said, moving quickly. He got the pen knife out of his pocket and flicked the blade open. Robert was heavier than he thought, but he managed to shift him, moving the stupid hospital gown out of the way. He wanted this link broken, and he wanted it gone now. He hated this connection most of the time and it was doing him so much more harm than good. So he pressed the tip of the blade to Robert’s back and…

“What the….?!” Aaron whipped around to see a doctor clearly on the verge of calling security, and Aaron quickly flicked the pen knife away, hiding it.

“No, it’s…” Aaron said, scrambling for an explanation. He lifted the hem of his hoodie up and she suddenly recognised the symmetry, the light dawning on her face.

“You need to fill out the paperwork,” she said, closing the door. “We will legally need to inform you if we’re taking him off life support. Because of your soul bond.”

“Right,” Aaron said quietly. There was a legal provision, it had come into law relatively recently, the 2008 Broken match act. It meant that when someone was in a coma, and their life support was going to be removed, their consent was no longer needed to break the match. The thinking behind it was that it was indecent and cruel to condemn someone to an empty life, or in some cases death, simply because their soul mate had died. It had been high profile a while ago when it came into law. It wasn’t something Aaron had ever thought he’d have to consider.

“Don’t take matters into your own hands again,” the doctor warned. 

“Erm… what’s the likelihood?” Aaron asked. “Of him waking up?”

“It’s not looking good,” she said. “The bullet punctured his lung and was very near his heart. It was difficult to remove, and he flat lined twice during surgery. It’s possible, but you might want to prepare yourself. Which is also why I’m not calling security to have you thrown out right now.”

“Thanks,” Aaron said, looking at Robert’s immobile face. He could wait, then. Nature would take it’s course sooner or later by the sounds of it.

 


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, it’s been a while, and I’m back with this one for anyone who’s still reading! To recap, Robert’s just been shot, he’s unconscious in hospital and Aaron’s struggling with the pain their match is giving him. Aaron hiding the gun doesn’t quite work in this version as it did in canon, so I hope it reads okay. And here we go again…

Aaron awoke with an empty mind and a throbbing chest. It was a phantom ache, it didn’t really exist, but that didn’t seem to stop the pain either. The power of positive thinking and everything wasn't helping. He decided he’d throw himself into work at the scrap yard, then he wouldn’t be thinking about Robert and his lack of consciousness every second of the day. Or that was the plan, when he got to the yard, he found a gun sitting in the middle of his desk. Aaron froze, staring at it. He guessed that someone had left it here to implicate him, because guns didn’t randomly turn up from the middle of nowhere. But that didn’t tell him what he was going to do with it now.

He should call the police, he knew that. But he didn’t trust the police, and they probably already thought the way he (and Chas to be fair) reacted was wrong. Guilty. The police would never believe him, they’d never treat him fairly. He was a Dingle in all but name, of course they’d think it was him. And he had a record, and had argued with Robert before he was shot. He was the logical suspect, especially with Andy's cast iron alibi, and now a gun had appeared where he worked… 

So he hid it. He wasn’t entirely stupid, he did put gloves on because there was no way he was touching it and getting his fingerprints all over it, but he hid it in one of the cars waiting to be scraped. It wasn’t logical, it made no sense, but he didn’t want to be framed for this either. He hadn’t done it, but he was in no rush to get the police here either.

Aaron heard footsteps approaching and glanced to see it was only Adam. Thankfully. And he shut the bonnet of the car without looking back. It wasn’t the best idea he’d ever had, but maybe the police would stop looking at him.

* * *

 

That turned out really well.

* * *

 

Aaron realised while he was being interviewed, he couldn’t do the usual Dingle special of keeping his mouth shut. Especially if they charged him with this, he’d be on a lesser sentence if he admitted their match. Because people could understand it, it gave them a reason, logic. And he was sure it was leaking out in the village anyway, so there was nothing stopping him.

“I didn’t shoot him.”

“So you’ve said,” the officer said. 

“I didn’t,” Aaron repeated. “I couldn’t, the pain that would put me through.” He sighed twice and then tried again. “He’s my match. He’s my soul mate, whatever you want to call it.”

The officers shared a look. “You don’t look like the kind of man to believe in superstitious nonsense,” she said.

Aaron laughed without humour. “I’m not. And then he appeared in my life. It’s why when all the police arrived on the scene I wasn’t making much sense. I could feel a bullet in my chest, despite the fact I wasn’t the one who was actually shot. You don’t have to believe me.”

“Well, it’s easy enough to check isn’t it?” she said and Aaron sighed. He reluctantly got up and lifted the hem of his hoodie. They’d have pictures of Robert’s in his file, what with this being an attempted murder. As Aaron sat down it was clear they believed him. 

“That doesn’t alter the fact you were caught on video hiding the murder weapon.”

No, Aaron thought bitterly. No it didn’t.

* * *

Chas was pacing up and down the bar, waiting for news. Who could seriously think Aaron had it in him for cold blooded murder? Being handy with his fists, yes, but murder? No. It wasn't possible. Cain came in, and he didn’t look like he had good news.

“Spit it out!” she snapped.

“They’ve charged him,” Cain said. "Attempted murder."

“No, they can’t,” Chas said in a quiet voice. “He didn’t do it, he couldn’t!”

“He’s got no alibi, he was first on the scene other than you, he’d been arguing with Robert. And he was hiding the gun,” Cain said. “They were always going to charge him, sis."

“Oh, God!” Chas almost wailed.

“Want the good news?”

“Is there any?”

“If he gets sent down for it, he’ll get a lesser sentence,” Cain said. “Diminished responsibility.”

“For what? Oh… he told the police about their match, didn’t he?”

“I’d guess so,” Cain said. “He’ll be all right, Aaron’s tough.”

“I hope you’re right,” Chas said, determined to go and visit him tomorrow.

* * *

Vic sat by Robert’s bedside, waiting, willing him to wake up. She gripped his hand tightly, hoping somehow, somewhere, Robert could hear her. “Why didn’t you tell me?” Vic asked. “You could have told me about Aaron, I’d have understood. As much as someone can who isn’t going through it. You would have made so much more sense to me. Of course you couldn’t stay away from him. Of course you had an affair, it makes sense.” Vic sighed. “I wish you could have told me.” She squeezed his hand, and continued to wait.

* * *

Aaron’s mind was blissfully blank. Probably the emptiest it’s been since they connected all those months ago. His mind has once again become entirely his. Which was great, because Aaron enjoyed having his own thoughts uninvaded by someone else’s presence, or he would do, except for the constant aching throbbing in his chest. He knew perfectly well it wasn’t a physical pain, and he’s feeling Robert’s, but he thought it would get better. He thought that after a few days either Robert would start to get better, get well, or he’d die. Most of the time right now Aaron isn’t sure which option he’d prefer, but no, nothing. It stays the same constantly, and it’s day eleven when Aaron finally cracks and asks to see the prison doctor. He can’t cope with the phantom throbbing in his chest with every breath he takes. It’s too constant, too draining and he hasn’t slept properly since Robert was shot. To be this tired in prison was never a good idea, so he saw the doctor, knowing that most likely there were pills to at least help with this. It‘s mental, right? There was nothing physically wrong with him.

“What’s the problem?” the doctor asked, seemingly bored. Aaron didn’t care about sounding needy or vulnerable, he needed something to help. Because until he shuts the mortal pain off he can’t even begin to sort through how he actually feels about Robert.

“Er… my match,” Aaron started, clearing his throat uncomfortably. “He’s in a coma, and I can feel everything he’s going through and I’d love for it to stop. I can’t think of anything else and I’m not getting any sleep.”

“Okay,” the man said. “Where?”

“My chest,” Aaron said. “It hurts and it isn’t getting better. It’s going to drive me mad if I keep it up like this.”

“Let me examine you,” the doctor said. “I need to see there’s nothing going on with you physically first. We don't take chest pain lightly” Aaron agreed, getting it over with quickly because he knew that there was nothing wrong with him. This was just the doctor making sure to cover his back should anything go wrong.

“How long’ve you been matched?”

“Close to a year,” Aaron said, deciding not to go into the ins and outs of it all, too long a story. The doctor looked at him in surprise and Aaron knew why. He was too young to have been matched for that length of time. He was an anomaly, totally abnormal. He didn’t need a doctor staring at him to know it.

“Okay, I’m going to write you a prescription,” the doctor said. “It’s a drug used to lessen the depth and intensity of a connection. Usually when one wants to break it. It’s not usually used in these circumstances but it feels appropriate.”

“It’s not… er… permanent?” Aaron asked warily. Even though he hated Robert he’d almost come to rely on that sixth sense of the man, whether it was right or wrong.

“No,” the doctor said with a slight smile. “You stop taking them and it’ll go back to normal. Whatever your normal is.”

“I can live with that,” Aaron said with relief. “Anything to help.”

* * *

 

Aaron took a pill every morning when he woke up. He could still feel Robert there, but the pain hurt. So he took the medication. While it didn’t totally get rid of the pain, the ache, it did lessen it to a manageable level and it helped Aaron to actually think clearly, which was all he wanted. He could deal with a little bit of pain.

It took another two weeks until something was different. He woke up, and while he could feel the pain from Robert’s chest deep in his own, he could also feel a sense of consciousness and knew Robert was awake. Laying in bed, he closed his eyes and concentrated. He asked Robert _Who?_ But either there was too much physical distance between them, Robert was too frail, or he was purposefully ignoring their link, because all Aaron was getting back was pain. Aaron tried something else. _How are you?_ That did get a twitch, not an answer so much, but definitely a sense that Robert was aware of him. Great, so Robert was ignoring him. Perfect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, just for this version of events, I had Ross plant the gun in the scrapyard. I couldn't quite make canon work because Aaron was in such pain when Robert was shot.


	23. Chapter 23

Robert awoke slowly, pain throbbing in his chest. “w…” his throat felt hoarse, sore. How long had he been out of it? “What happened?” he tried. Vic was smiling tearfully at him, so he assumed from that, that it was bad. That, and the obvious hospital bed he was in.

“What do you remember?” Vic asked.

“Arguing with Chas,” Robert said. “Then… nothing.” There was no denying she looked disappointed.

“You were shot,” Vic said quietly. “You’ve been unconscious for a few weeks.”

“Weeks?!” Robert shouted, then winced. Okay, that pulled on his stitches.

“They’ve arrested Aaron.”

“What?” Robert asked. “No.”

“Attempted murder.”

“No, he wouldn’t,” Robert said. “He couldn’t. I know things between us can be… tense, but...”

“Understatement,” Vic interrupted.

“But I know he wouldn’t,” Robert said stubbornly. “Where is he?”

“Prison,” Vic said, frowning. But Robert didn’t mean that, he tried searching for Aaron through their link, their match. But he couldn’t quite feel him, he felt foggy. And he surely couldn’t talk to him. That felt… disconcerting.

“Run me through everything,” Robert said, needing to know. Vic took a deep breath, and began to talk.

* * *

 

The next morning, when Robert woke up in the dim, but never quite dark of the hospital, he could feel Aaron again. Present, that tenuous link still there. “Who?” Aaron asked. Robert completely ignored that, mainly because he had no idea who’d shot him, but also because the fact Aaron was asking meant that it wasn’t him. And that he was in prison for something he hadn’t done. Besides hiding a murder weapon, of course. “How are you?” Robert definitely ignored that one. Too dangerous. Plus he’d just been shot, how did Aaron think he was doing?

Robert made a decision, once he was discharged from hospital. He went to see Aaron in prison. He needed to come face to face with him. It was all very well having that link, but it wasn’t everything. He needed to look Aaron in the eye, to know what was going on. Or certainly, Aaron’s level of involvement in it.

Aaron looked rough. He sat opposite him in the prison visiting room, and he did, he looked incredibly rough. “How are you?” Robert asked.

“Fine,” Aaron said. “I’m glad you’re alive.”

“Are you?” Robert asked.

“Yeah, cuts ten years off my sentence,” Aaron said sarcastically.

“You’re not going down for this,” Robert said before he could stop himself. “You didn’t do it, did you?”

“You needed to see me for that?” Aaron snapped.

“Yes,” Robert said. He hadn’t thought Aaron had anything to do with it, but for him it’d been confirmed without any doubt. “I’m going to get you out of here.”

“Really, how’re you going to do that?” Aaron asked, clearly annoyed.

 _“I’ll give a false description to the police,_ ” Robert spoke without moving his lips. “ _They’ll believe me, who wants my attempted killer caught more than me?”_ Aaron looked at Robert like he couldn't believe that, not now.

“Why?” Aaron asked. “Why for me?”

“You didn’t do it,” Robert said lowly. “I know that. I just don’t know who did. Let me work on it.” Aaron looked like he didn’t dare to trust him, but Robert had to do this. He was about 98% sure Aaron was innocent, and that was good enough for him.

“I’ll see you at home,” Robert said.

“You’ve got faith.”

“I’m an arrogant bastard,” Robert said. “I usually get my own way.” Aaron snorted at that, clearly not in a flattering way.

“You do at that,” Aaron muttered.

* * *

 

Aaron did get out of prison. He hated being reliant or even feeling vaguely grateful to Robert for helping him, but he did. He could have realistically been stuck in prison for the next ten years.

“Private party,” Aaron said gruffly, bumping into Robert outside the pub loos. Unintentionally. The noise from the bar sounded like a Dingle bash heading into full swing.

“There was me hoping for a “thanks Robert. I’m really grateful I’m not rotting away in prison,”” Robert said.

“I didn’t do it,” Aaron almost growled.

“I know.”

“Which means you know who did,” Aaron pushed. “You going to tell me?”

“How about I know you well enough to know you couldn’t do it?” Robert pushed. He wasn’t about to drop Andy in it. They had a life long feud, but he wasn’t ready for Andy to go to prison. Though, knowing them, that might change. “It’s over, can we just leave it at that?” Robert asked.

“I want an answer,” Aaron said. “One day.”

“Can I come in for a drink?” Robert asked. “I’m the reason you’re out, Chas wouldn’t begrudge me that, surely.” Aaron glared at him, but Robert felt the connection. _"Don't count on it."_

* * *

 

Time passed and soon Christmas was approaching. Aaron didn’t really think too much about it, he was just pleased that he was out of prison, free. He felt vague emotions from Robert every now and then, like a voice in the back of his mind. He guessed Robert wasn’t doing so well, because “happy” was an emotion Aaron couldn’t read from him, not ever. Though the pain Robert was in from his chest did lessen significantly, for which they were both silently grateful for.

They didn’t talk much, they mostly stayed out of each others way. Until one day Robert felt an uncontrollable wave of pure anger, fear and hate. It was the afternoon and Robert had been talking to Vic. But the emotions were so strong, so unexpected that Robert actually stopped talking, losing the thread of the conversation.

 _“What’s going on?”_ Robert asked Aaron through their link. He needed to know, needed to understand what had caused such a visceral reaction. _“Aaron, talk to me.”_

“Robert, are you listening to me?!” Vic asked impatiently.

“No,” Robert said, without even wasting the time. He grabbed his jacket and left the house, following the pull of Aaron to the pub. He let himself in through the back door, finding Aaron breathing heavily in the back room.

“When I don’t talk to you, that’s not an invitation to come over,” Aaron said briefly. It was clear he was prickly, even if Robert wasn’t his soul match, he’d be able to see that. Almost jumpy, certainly not inviting conversation. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Aaron said, swigging what was left of his pint.

“Okay, say I believe that, which I don’t, but... you do remember I can feel everything you do, right?”

“Robert, do not push me, or I swear to god you’re going to need another trip to A and E,” Aaron said firmly. Robert didn’t push it.

“I’m here,” Robert said quietly. “Whenever you need to talk about whatever it is. I’m here.” Aaron said nothing, but Robert could feel a tiny bit of gratitude anyway. Robert decided he wouldn’t push any further, and left it at that. Aaron would talk when he was good and ready.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Most of this fic has been predominantly from Aarons pov, but heading into January 16, I think we're going to get a lot more from Robert, because he's the one who doesn't know what's going on. Hope this has all made sense so far!


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, this is such a late update, I know! Sorry! I do hope there are a few people still reading this, and thank you for your patience. Also warnings for all kinds of Gordon related stuff, and self harm but it should be nothing worse than the show.

Aaron’s angry, Robert could feel it. It’s been happening on and off for days, weeks even, but Aaron’s not come to find him and talk. In fact, he seems to be actively avoiding him. All Robert knew is that he felt random burst of anger and fear and pain, at disconnected times to his own emotions. If he hadn’t been so worried about Aaron and his mental state, he’d have found it annoying.

 _Please talk to me_ , Robert asked in the quiet one night, when he felt a sharp shocking flash of pain.

 _I’m fine,_ Aaron replied, even though he was so far from fine. The next day, Robert made his mind up that he was going to find Aaron and make him talk. Whatever the problem was, it wasn’t worth this.

* * *

 

Robert followed their link the next day, finding Aaron unsurprisingly at the scrap yard. What did surprise him was the way Aaron was hunched over himself, almost a shell. He didn’t look like he wanted to talk, but Robert had had enough. If nothing else, stopping feeling those flashes of pain every now and then would be good.

“Right, I’m just about done,” Robert said. “You’re going to talk to me.”

“No, I’m not,” Aaron said. “Just leave it. It’s done. If it’s bothering you so much, we can break our match if you want.”

“Sod the match,” Robert said. “I need you to talk to me and tell me what’s up. I’ve let you stew on this for weeks, now come on.”

“Look, I’m not going to be your problem for much longer,” Aaron said.

“And what does that mean?” Robert asked. Aaron shrugged, grabbed his car keys and left the cabin. Robert wasn’t leaving it at that. He picked up the note Aaron had been leaning over, which was basically a short goodbye note.

“What do you mean, you’re leaving?!” Robert snapped outside, seeing Aaron struggling with his car keys.

“Yeah, you won’t have to deal with our match for much longer,” Aaron said. “I’ll be far away so it won’t bother you.”

“But why?!” Robert asked. “What’s so bad that it’s making you leave your home? Your family?” Aaron didn’t answer, instead his face went lax as Robert caught him before he hit the floor, in a faint or something. “Aaron!” Robert shouted, trying to hide the fear as he took Aaron’s weight in his arms. “Aaron, come on!” He searched through their link, trying to talk to him but Aaron was foggy, not here. Certainly not conscious. Robert dragged him to his car, taking him to the hospital. He had to.

* * *

“Can someone please tell me what’s wrong with Aaron Livesy?”

“Family?” a distracted nurse asked.

“Not exactly,” Robert said. “I’m his… look, we’re matched,” Robert said uncomfortably. “I know he’s conscious, I just need to see him.” Robert did know that, he could sense it. Aaron had all his guards up though, and talking to him was going to be difficult.

“He’s in room 223,” the nurse said. “He’s er… suffering from septicemia.”

“Blood poisoning?” Robert asked in surprise. “How’d that happen?”

“He’s got a deep cut on his arm that’s got infected.” Robert allowed her to lead the way to Aaron’s room, at the same time asking him _“blood poisoning?”_

 _“Don’t start.”_ Robert smiled. Aaron couldn’t be in that bad of a state, physically at least. He found Aaron, lying in a hospital bed, looking incredibly tired.

“How are you?” Robert asked, sitting next to him.

“Thanks,” Aaron said. “For getting me here. I didn’t know things had got that bad.”

“Why are you cutting again?” Robert asked. Aaron flinched, but he didn’t deny it which told Robert he was right.

“Leave it, I just took it too far,” Aaron said. “You can go, I don’t need you here.”

“You need someone,” Robert said. “Come on, I care about you.” Aaron scoffed. _Let me in_ , Robert said, speaking through their link. _You need me._

“Yeah, I need someone,” Aaron agreed. “No one said that had to be you.”

“Aaron…”

“Please, Robert. Please, leave me alone,” Aaron said as a doctor came in. Seeing the patient was agitated, the doctor implied Robert should go and he nodded.

“I’m gone,” Robert said. “But I’m coming back, okay?” Aaron nodded, but didn’t say anything and Robert allowed himself to be shooed out of the room. Whatever it was, it was bad.

* * *

“Aaron, I know you’re in there!” Robert shouted, banging on the door. He could feel Aaron’s presence through their connection, and knew he shouldn’t have discharged himself from hospital. He could feel Aaron in a lot of pain, both physical and mental. “I’ll break the door down! I don’t want to, but I will. Aaron!” A click. The lock had been taken off and Robert opened the door with considerable relief. Aaron returned to what was clearly his spot, folding in on himself on the corner of the sofa.

“Finally,” Robert said, trying to hide how worried he had been. And still was, because Aaron did not look good, not by any stretch.

“Why did you discharge yourself?” Robert asked. Aaron shrugged, but said nothing. “Are you going to talk to me, or not?” Silence. “If you can’t talk to me, who can you talk to?”

 _It hurts._ Aaron hadn’t willingly spoken, but Robert heard none the less.

“Please talk to me,” Robert said softly. “Is this about your dad?” Aaron’s entire attitude changed, he bristled like he was readying for an attack, and Robert could feel the hostility coming off him in waves.

“Why do you think that?” Aaron asked through gritted teeth.

“He comes back, you fall apart,” Robert said. “Doesn’t take a genius to work it out.”

“It’s fine.”

“It’s clearly not,” Robert said. “You don’t cut yourself too deep if it’s fine. I won’t say anything to anyone if that’s what you’re afraid of.”

“I don’t want him with my mum,” Aaron said. “He… hurts people.”

“He hurt you?” Robert asked, though he didn’t need to. It was obvious from Aaron’s body language. “Does your mum know?”

“No.” Aaron shifted uncomfortably.

“Maybe if you told her… whatever it is, maybe she’d ditch him,” Robert suggested. Aaron said nothing. So he pushed a little more. “How did he hurt you?” Clearly that was the right (or wrong) question, because Aaron flinched away from it.

“It doesn’t matter, I’ll deal with it, I always do.”

“You’ve got septicemia,” Robert said. “You’re clearly not dealing with it.” Aaron was clearly lost in his memories, because Robert got a flash. _No. Please!_ That’s all it was, two words in Aaron’s childlike voice.

“What did he do, Aaron?” Robert asked, feeling very much afraid of the answer. This was dark, Robert could tell. Darker than he ever thought possible.

“You’re going to make me say it?” Aaron asked quietly.

“I don’t know unless you tell me,” Robert said very gently. “I can guess because of our link, but I don’t know.”

“He raped me.” Aaron let the tears fall, as Robert felt like his entire world had been tipped on its axis.


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the enthusiasm guys! Means so much to know people were still waiting on this one. I'm not going to repeat scenes from the abuse SL that are the same, just include the ones I'm changing. I hope it still makes sense, but I don't want to become too repetitive, given how close I'm sticking to canon. 
> 
> Self harm, sex abuse and all sorts of canon warnings for this chapter. Enjoy! (If that's the right word!)

Robert was almost glad that Aaron had dissolved into tears, because it gave him a few precious seconds to pull himself together, to think what to say. Because him falling apart right now certainly wouldn’t help Aaron. “It’ll be okay.” He tried to put a hand on Aaron’s arm but he backed away. “W… how old were you?”

“First time I was eight.” Robert felt the ice slip into his stomach. The _first_ time. That meant it happened more than once. Oh God. How many times had Aaron suffered through such a terrible ordeal? “I didn’t really know what was happening,” Aaron said. “I didn’t understand. It was after my mum left, and I was playing up at school all the time, skiving and… and…”

“It’s okay,” Robert said as Aaron’s voice broke. “You don’t have to go into detail if you don’t want to.”

“I can still feel his hands on me. Every time I see him I feel dirty.” Aaron sniffed, trying to pull himself together. “And now he’s with mum so I can’t get rid of him.”

“If she knew, there is no way she’d be with him,” Robert said. He didn’t get along with Chas, but he felt sure this was the case. For all her faults, Chas loved her son.

“I can’t tell her,” Aaron said, shaking his head. “She’d not believe me. And even worse, if she did, she’d blame herself. I can’t.”

“You need to.”

“Don’t tell me what to do,” Aaron snapped.

“You’re right, sorry,” Robert said, calming down. “I just… this is too much for you to keep silent about.”

“I told you,” Aaron said. “Just don’t push me, all right?”

“Okay,” Robert said calmly. “I won’t. I just… you need some help to deal with this.”

“I’m fine on my own.”

“Because that’s going really well,” Robert said. “What happens when you cut yourself too deep? You kill yourself? I care about you far too much to just sit back and let that happen.”

“I’ll stop.”

“Aaron, I know you,” Robert said. “What if you can’t?” Aaron shrugged, sinking back into the sofa. The silence between them spread and Aaron’s eyes fluttered closed. Robert said nothing, he didn’t move a muscle, he just tested their connection, their link, waiting for the moment Aaron’s senses dulled. It happened, Aaron falling into sleep, his thinking ceasing and Robert nodded. Good. At least in sleep Aaron could find some peace. Robert covered him with a blanket and he jerked slightly, but didn’t wake.

“It’s okay, it’s me,” Robert said quietly, and felt so special when Aaron didn’t wake up. Like Aaron instinctively trusted him, which after everything he really shouldn’t. “You’re safe.”

* * *

Robert knew he shouldn’t have, but he confronted Gordon. How Aaron continued to live with that man in the village, Robert had no idea. He felt revulsion just being in the same room as Gordon, and God knows Aaron would have it so much worse. He also accidentally mentioned that he’d seen Aaron to Chas. Who had been worrying like a mother hen because Aaron was awol. And then he went back to Aaron, who was still sleeping, thankfully.

And for the first time, Robert stopped to think. To let the reality of what Aaron had told him to sink in. He’d been raped, repeatedly, by someone who was meant to look after him. Robert felt sick. Actually he genuinely did, and he hurried to the kitchen, retching over the sink. How could anyone do that? He let himself fall apart, while Aaron was asleep. He couldn’t fall apart like this when Aaron was aware, because he’d think Robert was disgusted with him, which just wasn’t true. Disgusted with Gordon, God yes, but not Aaron.

It took him a good hour to settle his stomach, stop shaking and make sure that he wouldn’t start crying again. Then he tried to get some sleep on the floor.

Robert woke up abruptly, already feeling Aaron awake. “I’m here, don’t panic,” Aaron said, Robert blinking himself awake as Aaron zipped his hoodie up.

“Where’re you going?”

“Er… back to hospital,” Aaron said, his words slurring just the tiniest bit. “I don’t feel great.”

“Right,” Robert said. He didn’t look well either. “So… after that are you going to call the police?”

“No.”

“What?” Robert asked after a moments silence.

“I’m not calling them,” Aaron said. “I don’t want it reported, I wanna forget about it.”

“Aaron, come on.”

“No,” Aaron said firmly. “Drop it.”

Robert didn’t want to, but arguing with Aaron right now was pointless. He knew that. Aaron’s phone buzzed with another missed call from Chas, which he ignored.

“About your mum,” Robert said.

“What did you do?”

“I told her we spent the night together,” Robert said, and Aaron looked incredulous. “She couldn’t find you, and I think her next move was going to be calling the police. Which I know wouldn’t help, and this seemed… safer.”

“Fine,” Aaron said tiredly. “Maybe it’s better that way.”

“Do you want me to come with you?”

“No,” Aaron said. “Thanks. For listening.”

“What’re you going to do?” Robert asked.

“I’m not thinking more than one day at a time,” Aaron said. “Now, I’m going to the hospital. Just leave it, eh?”

“Fine,” Robert said stubbornly. Though no way was this going to be dropped.

* * *

 

“What do you know that I don’t?” Chas asked, coming into Vic’s front room, without bothering to knock on the door and Robert groaned internally.

“Chas, just…”

“Please,” she said. “He’s my son, and I have no idea what’s going on with him.”

“Look, I am not about to delve into Aaron’s psyche with you,” Robert said, exasperated. “You must know Aaron’s not here.”

“He’s falling apart,” Chas said. “I need to know why!” Robert stayed silent. “And you know what it is, don’t you?”

“Yeah,” Robert said. “Yeah, I do. Because he trusted me, and I can’t, I won’t betray that.”

“Cain reckons he’s self harming again,” Chas said. “Is he?” Robert sighed, then nodded once. “Why?!” Chas asked, desperate. “And why did no one tell me?!”

“He didn’t want you to know,” Robert said. “It’s… under control.”

“Oh, well forgive me if that doesn’t fill me with confidence,” Chas said. Robert felt fairly confident that it was true, he hadn’t felt any disconnected flashes of pain that he had before Aaron had admitted the truth about Gordon to him. Unless Aaron was getting in his car, driving thirty miles before he self harmed, anyway. “What’s going on?”

“I can’t tell you,” Robert said. “I want to, I think you should know, but it has to come from him.”

“I’m not going to give up,” Chas said.

“Good,” Robert said fervently. “He needs you.” Chas sighed but she seemed to have nothing to say to that and she left, leaving Robert to his twisted thoughts alone.

* * *

It was quiet for a few days, Robert didn’t hear anything from Aaron, not even through their link. Beyond the normal day to day emotions. Then one night, Robert heard Aaron.

 _“I told my mum.”_ The words come through small and scared, but Robert’s putting on his jacket anyway.

_“Where are you?”_

_“Home.”_

_“Can I come over?”_ Robert asked, a bit scared in case the answer was no.

 _“Back doors unlocked.”_ Robert almost raced over there, not even bothering to check if Chas was in the vicinity. She probably had bigger problems than him right now. Robert raced upstairs to find Aaron pacing in his bedroom. “How did it go?” Robert asked tentatively.

“She cried. I cried. We both feel awful, and here I am.” Aaron was bristling, looking so uncomfortable.

“I’m glad she knows,” Robert said.

“I’m not sure I am,” Aaron said. “It just… came out. She said something and… I couldn’t hold it in any more.”

“What can I do?” Robert asked, feeling completely helpless and out of his depth.

“I sleep better when you’re here,” Aaron admitted. “And I need some sleep. I'm running on empty here.”

“Are you sure?” Robert asked. Aaron nodded, getting into bed. Robert was very careful, lying next to him but not touching him, while privately thinking this was such a bad idea.

“I’m okay,” Aaron said.

 _“Are you?”_ Robert couldn't help but ask silently.

 _“Getting there,”_ Aaron said. Then, aloud, “Thanks.”


	26. Chapter 26

 

Aaron felt pressured in reporting it to the police, eventually. Chas told Cain, which meant sooner or later all the Dingle’s would know, for good or for bad. Which meant the whole village would know. And the small matter of Cain threatening to kill Gordon, a threat everyone knew he could carry out. So Aaron found himself at the police station, with his mother waiting for an interview. And waiting some more.

“What do you need?” Chas asked, forcing calm.

 _Robert_. Aaron didn’t say it, but he seemed to be the only person who got it, who wasn’t treating him with kid gloves. It hadn’t changed him from the man he was six months ago and everyone was acting like it was.

 _“Yeah?”_ Robert asked through their link. Aaron hadn’t been aware he was calling him.

 _“Nothing. Doesn’t matter,”_ Aaron said instantly.

 _“Hey, whatever you need,”_ Robert said. _“Where are you?”_

 _“At the police station.”_ Robert didn’t reply, and Aaron knew that meant he understood.

“Aaron?” Chas asked, and Aaron realised he’d completely ignored her.

“I’m fine,” Aaron said. “Just got to get through it, right?”

“Aaron?” They both looked up. “I’m DS Wise, Jason. If you’d like to come through.”

“Proud of you,” Chas said, forcing a smile that couldn’t be more fake.

 _“Do you need me?”_ Robert asked quietly.

 _“I don’t know,”_ Aaron said. _“I’m not going to enjoy this.”_

 _“Talk to me if you need to. I’m not doing anything else.”_ Aaron almost snorted, but he appreciated it none the less. Robert being a listening ear if Aaron needed help, really was a comfort.

* * *

 

Aaron got through the interview. He’d hated going over everything, things he could still remember so sharply even after all these years. Talking about it made it more real, made facing the reality of what had happened even harder. More immediate. He felt like he was in utter pieces by the end of it, it was worse than when he told Robert, or his mum. Especially as he knew it was all being filmed for a possible use in a later court case, if it got that far.

“How did it go?” Robert asked, in person this time, in the back room of the pub.

“Fabulously,” Aaron said sarcastically. “I really enjoy reliving the worst moments of my life in front of a bunch of strangers.”

“I meant…”

“I know what you meant,” Aaron said, zipping up his rucksack, which suddenly drew Robert’s attention. 

“You going somewhere?” Robert asked.

“Yeah, to Ireland for a bit.”

“Why?”

“Because I need some space to get my head straight,” Aaron said. “Being here isn’t helping, going over it all the time isn’t helping, having you in my head all day isn’t helping.”

“Aaron…”

“It’s not your fault,” Aaron said. “I just need space, and some time. I’ll be back.”

“When?”

“I don’t know,” Aaron said.

“Aaron, you can’t leave, not now,” Robert said, starting to panic. Aaron looked at him, understanding the problem instantly.

“It’s not because of you. But I need time, Robert. Trust me that I know what’s best for me. Right now, anyway.”

“Fine,” Robert said. “Just come back, okay?”

“Yeah,” Aaron said with a shrug. “See you around.” Aaron was closing himself off, and Robert let him. If Aaron needed a break, there was nothing bad about that. Robert just hoped he’d come home soon.

* * *

A couple of weeks later, Robert found Chas in Gordon’s street, shouting to anyone who’d listen about what Aaron had gone through. It was like she’d lost all kinds of logic here.

“Chas, what the hell are you doing?!” Robert snapped, almost frog marching her to his car. “Shouting up the place won’t help Aaron.”

“I want him punished!” Chas almost snarled, sitting in the car. Then, much softer, “I want Aaron to come home.”

“Believe me, no one wants that more than me,” Robert said. “I feel like my right hands been cut off without him.”

“Yeah, right,” Chas scoffed.

“I do,” Robert said. “I can’t hear him any more, and I feel so disconnected without that.”

“What’s it like?” Chas asked quietly. “Being matched to him?”

“I’m always aware of him when he’s close. I always know and… sometimes its too much, but most of the time I need that. I miss him when he’s not here.” The silence spread out between them.

“Can you… read his mind?”

“No, that’s a myth,” Robert said. “I can’t, and I wouldn’t want to either. Neither of us would ever get any privacy, and you know Aaron would hate that.” Chas nodded, it was obvious to anyone who knew Aaron. “I can… talk to him, without being in the same place. I can hear his voice in my head when he wants me, and I imagine it’s the same for him.”

“Do you really care for him?” Chas asked.

“Yeah,” Robert sad. “I really do. All I want is for him to be happy and not in pain any more.”

“Fat chance of that,” Chas said.

“He will get through this,” Robert said. “He’s stronger than you know.”

“He’s going to have to be, isn’t he?” Robert didn’t say anything, he didn’t have to.

* * *

Aaron did come home, though it didn’t seem his mood had improved much. Robert told him that he’d found Sandra while he’d been away. Or at least, found her address, if Aaron wanted to track her down. He did, but reluctantly. They parked the car outside her house and Aaron went for a walk, trying to clear his head and brace himself for what he was going to have to do.

“I need to talk to you,” Robert said, sitting next to him on the bench in the park. “I’ve been thinking about it for a while, but I need…”

“Spit it out,” Aaron said briefly when Robert showed no sign of continuing.

“Aaron, you’re in so much pain, I can feel it,” Robert said quietly. “If I’m making it worse, if this connection we have is hurting you, we can break it.”

“You want to do that?” Aaron asked, surprised. Robert got a pen knife out of his pocket, holding it, considering. He'd clearly thought about this.

“I wouldn’t hold it against you,” Robert said. “Whatever makes it easier. We can break it, and that’d be that. Honestly.”

“Why?”

“Aaron, I’m trying to be selfless here,” Robert said. “You’re in pain, I feel it all the time. I don’t want to add to it.”

Aaron looked at the knife, almost innocuous the way it lay there. He couldn’t believe Robert was suggesting this. Aaron took the knife, feeling the weight in his hand. It would only take seconds to break if they wanted to. But… Aaron he threw the penknife into the lake behind them, to Robert’s raised eyebrow.

“That answers that question, then,” Robert said.

“Robert, sometimes you’re the only thing getting me through this,” Aaron said. “I don’t want to cut my lifeline off like that.” Robert nodded. “Do you want it gone?”

“No,” Robert said. “Of course I don’t. It might not always be easy, but I don’t want to lose it. But I would if it would help you.” Robert spoke softly and Aaron shook his head.

“I don’t think I’d have got through this without you,” Aaron said. He leaned forward for a kiss, and it took all of Robert’s self control to turn his head. 

“I can’t.”

“Why?” Aaron asked. Then filled in the gap. “Because you don’t see me like that any more,” Aaron said briefly, getting up and walking away. Robert wouldn’t let him get away with that, and he followed him, grabbing his wrist to stop him.

“Aaron, you have no idea how I see you,” Robert said lowly. He put a hand on Aaron’s back thoughtfully, and Aaron knew what he wanted, and gave half a nod. Robert slipped his hand lower, sliding Aaron’s hoodie up so he could touch the bare skin of Aaron's mark, his soul number. Robert’s fingers caressed the digits and Aaron moaned. He could feel everything, the love, the fear, the… concern almost, coming from Robert. It was so intense, so powerful that Aaron could feel his legs giving way.

“Hey, I’ve got you,” Robert said, holding him up. “You’re okay.” Aaron was panting, trying to regain his breathing and Robert just held him and shushed him, a hand through his hair. “Okay?”

“Yeah,” Aaron breathed. “Sorry, that was more… than I expected. It’s… been a while.”

“I know,” Robert said. “I still see you this way. I always will. But you are not ready for more right now, no matter how much I want you.”

“But…”

“I’ll wait,” Robert said. “I promise you, I’ll wait. Because I want this, you, me. If you do.”

“Of course I do,” Aaron said. “I miss you,” he added in a quiet voice.

“I miss you, too,” Robert said. “We’ve got plenty of time, when all of this is a memory. And I will wait.”

“Okay,” Aaron said. “Good, because I really want this with you.” Robert hugged him, he wanted to hold him, to feel close to him. Right now, it was all he could do.


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I found this chapter really difficult to write, despite (or maybe because) the April 2016 reunion is one of my favourite robron scenes. Hope you enjoy!

 

Robert had had the pleasure of meeting Aaron’s kid sister. That went well. Olivia, Liv, she seemed so angry and like a little menace. Robert hadn’t even known Aaron had a sister, let alone a tearaway fourteen year old. He knew he hadn’t heard the last of that one though. The first thing Robert knew about Gordon going to trial, was when he was called to the witness stand by the prosecution. It surprised him, both that he was being called, and that Aaron hadn’t told him.

 _“I’m on the witness stand?”_ Robert asked him one night, talking to each other while in Vic's spare room, Robert really appreciating the link they shared.

 _“I didn’t know they were going to call you,”_ Aaron said. _“Sorry.”_

 _“I’ll say nice things, I promise,”_ Robert said. He could feel Aaron’s hesitancy. _“Don’t worry, I’m on your side.”_

_“What’re you going to say?”_

_“The truth,”_ Robert said. _“I know the defence is going to paint you a liar, I know how it works. I’m going to tell the world you’re a good man, and you’re not a liar.”_ Aaron said nothing, and Robert wondered if he’d pushed it too far. _“It’ll be okay, whatever happens.”_

 _“If he walks free…”_ Aaron said. _“It’ll be worse than if I didn’t say anything in the first place.”_

 _“I’d rather know,”_ Robert said. _“What suit do you want me to wear?”_

 _“Are you trying to distract me?”_ Aaron asked.

_“Yes, is it working?”_

_“Maybe,”_ Aaron said, and Robert could hear the amusement in his voice, so job done. _“Blue suit.”_

_“Sure.”_

* * *

 

Aaron was trying so hard to be strong during the trial. Robert knew it, could feel it through their link. Robert wanted him. He was tired of pretending otherwise, and he knew Aaron wanted the same.  
After the jury had retired to consider the verdict, Robert found Aaron in the backroom, starting on the whisky. “Wanna drink?” Aaron asked as Chas left.

“Er… yeah,” Robert said. He could take a drink, especially if this conversation didn’t go the way he hoped it would.

“I miss you,” Robert said simply. It was nothing more or less than the truth. Aaron shifted, looking uncomfortable and Robert’s heart sank. “Okay then.”

“I want…” Aaron started. “I want to be able to rely on you.”

“You can,” Robert said. “I guess… I want that too. I want you to be able to rely on me as well.”

“So… we could maybe take things slow?” Aaron suggested, his eyes betraying his nervousness.

“I won’t let you down again,” Robert said, making Aaron nod once.

Robert moved first. He kissed him, feeling Aaron's hand grab tightly on to him. Robert drew back, looked in Aaron’s eyes, and kissed him again, more gentle and less desperate this time.

Aaron leant his forehead against Robert’s softly. For the first time in months, years maybe, he felt at home and at peace. With Robert it had always been such a struggle to get here. Roberts fingers toyed with the hem of Aaron’s shirt and Aaron didn’t need to hear the question. He nodded and Robert touched his soul number, letting the sensations go through Aaron, so deeply. So intensely, Roberts arms keeping him standing.

Aaron fidgeted, pushing Robert’s jacket out the way and touched his number too. They had never done this. They had never both touched each others marks at the same time, letting the love, the depth of their connection flow through them both jointly. Robert kept gasping into Aaron’s neck, kissing his skin occasionally. The warmth, the overwhelming feeling of love going through them both was intense and making them giddy.

 _“I’m going to fall over.”_ Neither man could have said who thought those words first, but they stumbled over to the sofa, both still joined. It was the most intimate experience either man had ever had. More intimate than sex, more passionate than anything they’d ever been through. Aaron’s breathing kept hitching as another wave of love went through him, Robert feeling exactly the same. They didn’t speak, they didn’t need to.

Eventually, Robert moved his palm, so they weren’t touching each others soul numbers. Aaron did the same, but he seemed exhausted. He gave in, and let sleep take him, all the while Robert holding him. He had no idea how long they lay there in the quiet. Not until Chas came in.

“Sh!” Robert said, eyes wide. Chas looked at them spread out on the sofa and she smiled slightly.

“He okay?”

“Ish,” Robert said. “I’m taking care of him.” Chas nodded, agreeing for once.

* * *

 

The verdict came back. Aaron got the call in the pub, and he wanted to get changed into a smart shirt, whatever the verdict was. The jury hadn’t taken very long and Robert didn’t know if that was a good sign or a bad one. Aaron’s hands shook as he tried to button up his white shirt.

“It will be okay,” Robert said, taking over from Aaron’s hands, buttoning the shirt up. “Whatever they say, we know the truth, and we believe you. We all know you’re not a liar, okay?” Aaron nodded, but that didn’t alter the nervousness, the fear Aaron felt, Robert could feel it. Robert kissed his cheek and hugged him, trying to give him any strength he could.

* * *

The correct verdict was given. Guilty. Gordon would be going away for a long time, thank God. What bothered Robert was… Aaron didn’t seem relieved or happy about it. He seemed just as upset as he had all week. Robert inclined his head towards the door, and Aaron agreed, both of them going outside, a beer in hand.

“I thought you’d be happier than this,” Robert said.

“I’m glad he’s been sent down,” Aaron said. “I really am. But… it doesn’t change anything, does it? I still have to live with what he did.”

“I know,” Robert said. “But you can move on now, you can…”

“Yeah,” Aaron interrupted, resting his head on Robert's shoulder, close enough for comfort. _“Can you stay here with me tonight?”_ They were words Aaron didn’t quite dare to say aloud, but Robert nodded.

“Yeah,” Robert said. “Course I will, if that’s what you want.” Aaron nodded, very grateful in a way he couldn’t express. But he didn’t need to, Robert could feel it all.

* * *

Aaron fell asleep surprisingly quickly. They’d stuck a forgettable film on and Aaron’s eyes had drifted shut before the opening credits had finished. Drained, Robert expected. Robert wrapped his arms around Aaron, hoping he could give him some comfort. He’d give anything to keep Aaron safe. Aaron shifted, his lips silently moving as he dreamed and Robert smiled, pulling him closer.

“I’ve got you,” Robert soothed. “I’ll never let you go.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure whether to leave it at that or not? It feels like a good place to finish it. Thanks for reading this, and I'm amazed I got this far.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm robron-til-the-end on tumblr if you want to have a nosey!


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